Water, Water Everywhere...

I'm getting ready to leave for work this morning, as always. Dogs let out? Check. Lights turned off? Check. Pants on? Check.

As I'm walking out the front door, I casually glance out the back window.
"Hmmm. The creek looks a little high," I say to myself. I stop and puzzle. I walk to the kitchen window.
"Hmmm. The creek looks REALLY high."
I open the back door and walk on the deck.

"HOLYCRAPONASTICK!"
This is what the backyard looks like:




So the bad news is that we have a sump pump that stopped pumping automatically and now needs to be run every hour for about 2 minutes to keep the water from flooding the house.

But the good news is that I had to stay home and keep an eye on the pump.
I don't care how old you are, a "snowday" (or should I say, "floodday") is ALWAYS exciting.
HOORAY! Happy Weekend, Everybody!!!!!!!

Festiveness

I'm having a crappy day. For some reason, people today don't seem too interested in getting the facts. That's never a good thing.

So, to cheer myself up, I'm posting a few pics taken over Thanksgiving and the night we put our tree up.

After all, it is the holidays, right? I need to find some F-ing cheer, like, NOW, Before I kick someone in the neck. (grumble....snarl....grumble...grrrr)

Enjoy

The "Plate of Shrimp" Theory

My coworker Elise has a theory called the “Plate of Shrimp” theory. Well, it’s not her theory, exactly. Some movie from the 80's (I think it was Repo Man) actually generated the theory. The guy says (and I quote)

"Say you're thinking about a plate of shrimp. Suddenly someone says plate, or shrimp, or plate of shrimp. Out of the blue. No explanation. No use looking for one either. It's all part of the cosmic unconsciousness."

But since nobody remembers the 80's anyway, we’ll just say its Elise’s theory. She has extrapolated on that concept to believe that random happenings in the universe often occur in two’s, in quick succession. For example, somebody who sees a plate of shrimp is likely to see another plate of shrimp in that same week. It pretty much describes the way that some off-the-wall discussion or event or subject matter reappears in some form or another within a few days. And then we all say, “Hey, that’s weird. We were just [talking about, watching, etc] this thing, and here it is again.”
You get the point

So remember the subject of my most recent post? Sloths? Well, Elise just came in today with this comic strip. Not only is it HILAROUS, it discusses sloths, which in itself is a strange and infrequent subject of conversation—except for this week, apparently.

And you know what? My coworker Elise has been absent from this blog completely, except for this week. This week, she was in two posts in a row!

So there you have it. The Plate of Shrimp Theory.
Word.

Peacock vs. Sloth

My coworkers and I were talking about our nametags today.

Wait. I should back up a little bit.

A few months ago, our entire office had this communication workshop (I know, the hippie in me died a little more that day). During this seminar, we were required to fill out a questionnaire in order to be placed into 1 of 4 "animal" groups, based on our personalities. The groups were peacock, dove, turtle, or lion. Strangely, I found myself in the peacock group, even though peacocks are supposed to like flashy things, and I drive a POS Subaru Impreza. But no matter; the quiz said I was a peacock, so I went with it.

The company took things a step further and decided to have everyone's "animal" printed onto their nameplate, as a reminder to others of their personality type. I guess the idea was that when someone went to a coworker's desk to discuss some matter of business, they would see, say, the lion graphic on their nameplate, and moderate their interaction accordingly. Whatev. I appreciate the company's attempt to be slightly less corporate, although I'd much more prefer to un-standardize my signiture and wear jeans than to have a little peacock on my nameplate. But I guess beggars can't be choosers.

Back to today. A bunch of us, including the graphic design guy, were talking about what kind of animals we really were. My one coworker mentioned how she saw herself as a dragon, which we thought was a strange choice (as she is exceptionally gentile and modest) until she explained that she had heartburn all the time (lol). Well, eventually, I came up in the discussion, and we all sat around trying to figure out what animal I really was.

After much debate, this was the consensus:

Apparently my coworkers see me as a mild-mannered, slow-moving, would-rather-be-sleeping type of person. I guess the sleeping part is right, but in terms of the pleasant demeanor and sluggish movements, I'm not so sure. I'll consider it proof that my ninja skills are well cloaked, as all ninja skills SHOULD be :-)

Anyway, it's always a good thing to have the creative guy on your team; 30 minutes later, my peacock was replaced with the agreeable fellow above. My coworker also got her dragon, which looks totally cool. If I wasn't so committed to hiding my ninja skills from mortals, I might be jealous of her super-cool dragon. But as is the code of the ninja warrier, my reflexes of lighning must be masked from the common man. The sloth will have to do.

So that's me:

Lillian Simmons

Medical Writer

Sloth

Secret Ninja Warrier of Death

MD (well, practically)

Esq (okay that one I made up)

Haircut!

Haircuts are fun!
Apparently I'm ringing in the New Year (a month early) with a brand new 'do!

I was typing away at my computer this morning when I suddenly realized that my hair does and will continue to look like an electrocuted poodle for the entire winter season. It's too cold to let it air dry in curls, especially since it takes my hair 3-4 hours to dry naturally (I have an "undercoat" that would put a husky to shame). Straightening it, which is my other option, takes an hour out of my day, minimum. Every morning I roll out of bed, take one look at my hair, pull it back, and continue with my routine thinking "tomorrow I'll do something nice with it."

So, I cut it off. Below are before and after shots:

Before:

Okay, no, seriously...


Before (hottie on the left):

After:

So there ya have it.

Change is good! Hooray for Change!

Christmas is Go

'Tis December, and what better way to set off the holiday season than watching some goood, old-fashioned, "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" on the TV. We were delighted to find it was playing last night, so with pizza and beer in hand, Brian and I shuffled downstairs to relive our childhood for half an hour.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself, but I'll admit that I spent a great deal of time trying to "diagonse" the Grinch with a psychological diagnosis. Aspergers? Schizophrenia? Some sort of Social Anxiety Disorder? I guess we'll never know. Interestingly, I found myself comparing the Grinch to my Ex-husband, and slapping my forehead for never checking his shoes to see if they were too tight (which might have explained his distain for Christmas, and life in general). In my mind, the Grinch and the Ex could be the same person, if you replace the "Noise, noise, noise, noise" with "Right-wing capitalist agend" and "Commercial support of the Military-Industrial Complex." (boy, I don't miss THAT speech at all, lol).

I also noticed that the Grinch's dog (Max, right?) and Jericho were quite similar, right down to the sheepish "smile" Jericho wears when he's been berated for being in the way, yet again. Gotta love the Bud!

So, I guess it's officially Christmas. This Saturday, my plans for running a 5k have been replaced with plans on finding, cutting, transporting, and decorating the perfect Christmas tree. Hey, we gotta have our priorities, right?

And now, the phrase that I've been waiting all year to say....

STFU Drew Barrymore

Dear Covergirl,

While I thoroughly enjoy your line of quality, affordable products, I would like to request that you refrain from using Drew Barrymore in further commercials.

Not only do your products fail to prevent Ms. Barrymore from looking like a cross-eyed garden vole with a bad case of Downs Syndrome, this most recent spokesperson appears incapable of understanding the meaning behind the lines she has painstakingly memorized. Instead of appearing as an easy, breazy, (moderately intelligent) Covergirl, rather, she presents herself with a look of fuzzy confusion akin to a drugged-up mental patient who has huffed one too many cans of Raid. I think she was actually drooling in one of your shots.

As a replacement, I recommend that you use Matthew McConaughey. I understand that most men don't wear make-up, but in truth, he could be selling Rogaine for Men and I would still purchase it. He's super hot.

Sincerely

Lily Simmons, makeup-wearer and die-hard Matthew McConaughey fan.