By nature, I'm not a secretive person.
My approach to most things in life is to get as much feedback as possible, whether it's from the grocery store check-out girl or the cop who just pulled me over.
"Oh man, officer, I totally didn't see that speed limit sign, but while you're here, I was wondering if you think I should have a doctor take a look at this rash..."
Brian, on the other hand, is Captain Secret.
It's not that he has nothing to hide - seriously, I've never met a man with a closet so devoid of skeletons - he just...doesn't offer up information easily.
This divergence in personality isn't usually a problem, because even when I DO tell everybody everything, there isn't really much to tell. Does that make any sense?
Of course, this blog has put the spotlight on our opposing preferances for revealing information. For example, when we first got engaged, Brian wasn't technically divorced from his first wife yet. So naturally he wanted things to be pretty hush hush until the paperwork went through, and seriously, have you ever been engaged and not really been able to tell anyone?!?!?
It is hard, my friends.
MUY, MUY DIFFICILE
So now I'm having a problem and I really, REALLY need to vent.
After all, isn't that what blogs were invented for?
Personally, I don't mind if everybody knows about this problem. But Brian? I'm not so sure. Of course, I could just ask him, but I know he'll tell me "you can blog about whatever you want" whether he actually feels that way or not, just because he doesnt want me to feel controlled, because he's that kind of guy.
(Love you, Babe)
So now, I'm running a mental list of everybody I know who reads this blog. Seriously, as I'm writing, I'm going through this list. Is there anybody - ANYBODY - on that list who I just couldn't let in on this problem?!?
Not really, mostly because A) it's only a big deal to me, and B) nobody really reads this blog anymore, save for a few fiercely loyal followers (Hi Guys!).
Whatever. I'm tired of second guessing myself.
We're having fertility issues.
(Oh, snap, she just DROPPED it like it was hot)
I'm not going to get into the details, because even I have some limits on what I'll put out over the interwebz.
But needless to say, it's been a long, humiliating, sometimes painful process and thus far?
No bambino.
14 months, and no bambino (but who's counting. Oh, you are? What's that you say? I've only been married for 6 months but we've been trying for 14 months? Well guess what... It's 2010, bitches. Get with the now)
Infertility is a terrible problem that nobody...NOBODY...ever thinks about until they're getting bitch-slapped by it like a redheaded stepchild.
And while there are SO MANY THINGS to be grateful for - like the marvels of modern science, and the fact that Brian and I have some kick ass medical insurance that covers the whole gamut of treatments - these things are doing little to soothe my aching heart when we hit YET ANOTHER SPEEDBUMP...like we did the other day.
I guess my point is this:
When you encounter a newly married couple, perhaps the first thing you should ask them is NOT when they're going to have a baby. It probably shouldn't be the second, third, or fourth thing that you ask them either.
So let's reinforce this with a little exercise.
WRONG:
"Oh hey there! You just got back from your honeymoon? Wow, congrats! When are you going to have a baby? You should have a baby right now. Why aren't you pregnant? Babies are great. Babies, babies babies. Have a baby."
RIGHT:
"Oh, hey there! You just got back from your honeymoon? Wow, congrats! It must be nice to be able to travel. I haven't left my neightborhood since I had my baby. I also gained 50 pounds and lost my will to live. Wow, you look great - so thin and rested. Your life must be awesome."
All joking aside, I guess I'm just trying to raise some awareness here.
And maybe stop the barrage of questions that can drive us "pregnancy-challenged" people to tears.
And maybe remind all of the "happy couples" who got pregnant instantly that it doesn't happen that way for everybody, so maybe chill the fuck out a little bit and stop talking nonstop about how having a child was the best thing to ever happen to you.
And maybe vent a little bit so I can go on with my day without that dark cloud over my head, because I'm getting all cold and pruny from the rain and I could REALLY use some sunshine right about now.
You know...metaphorically.
8 comments:
My wife and I have been trying for 6 years, and no "bambino."
My brother and his wife had their first child 10 months after being married.
So yeah, I get upset about the whole "Why don't you have a baby yet?" question. You're not alone here darlin, and I got your back.
I wish you all the best of luck, and if you've gotta bitch to someone about things, hell, send me a hateful email. I'll read it.
I thought Milo would have scared you off kids....
Good luck Lily and keep your chin up. Sorry if I ever said anything insensitive! Sometimes I'm such an asshole.
This is one of those things people should talk about more, so I think it's really good that you are. A lot of couples have fertility issues; why not talk about it? It's not like it's a rare thing. I think you're really brave for sharing it.
no babies up in this bitch, either
of course, we don't want any rug rats but that doesn't stop the hoards of people asking when i'm gonna squeeze a kid out
Oh my dearie, I SO know where you're coming from. It was not easy for us to have the one child, and then after that people started bugging us about having ANOTHER!! Hello, time to mind your own business!
And I love your blog so don't stop writing!
Infertility is more common than people know. I have several blogs I follow with infertiles. Please email me if you want them. They are a support group for people trying to conceive!
As someone with excellent swimmers who married a fertile myrtle, you probably don't want to hear from me.
I just want to say, We love ya girl. Keep your head up.
The best part of having kids is the trying.
Practice makes perfect.
And all those other cliche.
Seriously though, after years of working in the medical profession and having numerous friends who have struggled with this, I wanted to pass on a little known secret. And its gonna sound crazy or like an old wives tell, but I swear, I worked with docs who swear by this and know several couples who after paying the big bucks for the treatments without success only to later try this and have it work.
Are you ready?
A baby aspirin a day.
I swear I am not fucking with you. I am dead serious. Not sure how or why, but have seen it work, heard of it working, and been told by docs that it works again and again.
Of course, you still need to do lots of practicing. :)
Good luck.
And if all else fails, I might send you one of mine. I could definitely part with a boy, since I have a spare. LOL
Lily-- one day you will have a wonderful, fabulous child who will read this blog (if you allow it) and s/he will be proud of mom.
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