Modesty, And Cookie Cake

So now every time I log on, I'm kind of all woah because my blog used to be brown-ish and pretty and now it's full of blue bubbles, and then the cat with the lime on it's head makes me laugh a little, but then I get sad because a cat with a lime on it's head will NEVER trump a poorly cut-out rabbit with its tongue sticking out.

In short, this new background and pic is kind of freaking me out.

But the good news is that I've decided to NOT hang my hat up, not only because at least 8 of you cared enough to ask me to stick around, but also because work has lightened up a bit and now I suddenly have time on my hands, and writing blogs is preferable to doing the laundry or cleaning the house, and it's a good distraction while I'm waiting for Brian to come home and entertain me.

I jumped 4 feet today. On a horse, I mean.
It was kind of awesome - I haven't done that shiz for a good 6 months, at least, and not consistently for about 10 years.
oh yeah, I still got it.
It was for an exhibition. The barn where I grew up and now keep Mikey at has summer camp, and the girls wanted to see me jump something high.
And for realz, I'm the most down-to-earth, friendly, non-competitive, modest rider that you will ever encounter in your life, people, but is it wrong for me to write on my semi-secret blog that it's way fun to be my trainer's prodigy and an overall barn superstar, and that watching 8 girls look up to me with awe and admiration (literally as well as figuratively, because I was still sitting on the horse) kind of feels like lounging in a super-plush terry robe - all warm and fuzzy and awersome?

Oh, it is?
well never mind then.

Regardless, it's nice to have an "I still got it" kind of day. It makes you feel young, for one thing, and also, I feel like I kind of earned that giant piece of cookie cake I ate for lunch.

Fin

...Because the updated Blogger templates destroyed my soul...

Can we talk about how I went to post a blog a few days ago and my background had gotten all messed up?

Can we talk about how, when I went to fix it, I had to use this new-fangled Blogger template thingey?

Can we talk about how everything....EVERYTHING...then got screwed up and I ended up having to revert back to a basic blog template just to apply these new, SUCKY templates to my blog?

And finally, can we please talk about how my blog is essentially ruined and I lost everything, including my widgets, my pictures, my recommended blogs, and my hits counter.

In summary, the new Google Blogger can eat a big, fat dick.

I'm devistated. The blog that I lovingly maintained for almost 2 years is gone. Sure, the text is still there. But all those little things that made the blog mine have been taken away.

I'm wondering if it's a sign.
Because, let's be honest, I haven't been blogging lately.
My life is just too full of activity and too devoid of the pent-up rage that I need to write funny, creative posts.
And now my blog - well, everything that made the blog mine - has been replaced with a gay background and a picture of a cat with a lime on it's head.
And I'm not saying that a disgruntled cat wearing a fruit hat isn't funny....but is it me???
I suspect not.

So I have a hard decision to make.
Do I plunge forward with this fresh, new, horrible blog, or do I hang my hat up for a while?

Decisions...decisions...

Craziness

Forward: Thanks to everyone for their support and encouragement in response to my last post. Shit sucked, I'm not gonna lie. But I'll go forward because what else can I do? In the meantime I'll just be glad that I can ride again. And drink beer. mmmmm. Beer.



So, it's been a week since I last posted.

Eeek.

I'm sorry.

Life has been totally, utterly, completely crazy lately.

We've had more animals in our house than the San Diego Zoo

We drove from NJ to South Carolina and back in 34 hours.

I sent a riding student to the ER in an ambulance.

I made pumpkin chili without any pumpkin last night.

WITHOUT PUMPKIN, people.

If it gets any crazier than that, I don't want to know about it.

So where do I start? I guess we'll do this in chronological order.

Over the past two weeks, we've had no less than seven animal in this house. No, you didn't read that wrong. SEVEN ANIMALS. That means the pet-to-human ratio was 7:1 during the day and 3.5:1 during the night.

It was ridic.

One night, we were eating dinner at the dining room table and something hit my foot, so I looked under the table.

Big. Mistake.

It was like that scene in Open Water, where everything looked calm above the surface, but beneath the surface there were like a million hungry sharks thrashing about.

This is what happens when you agree to watch your In-law's dog, your sister's cat, and your sister's ex-roommate's cat without looking at the calendar.
Whoops.
I'm happy to say that the In-law's annoying beagle (nicknamed "Bad-touch Bandit" for ...well...you don't really want to know) is now gone. But the cats are still here.
It's like living in an episode of National Geographic, except instead of hunting, all of the cats just sit around and whine for food.

Lovely

And then this past weekend, we had to drive down to South Carolina and back. Something to do with a nasty break-up and a certain brother-in-law whose stuff was still in "the ex's" townhouse just outside of Greenville. So we left Saturday morning and returned back to NJ on Sunday night. Thank GOD Brian and I get along so well, or those 22 hours in the truck would have sucked big time.
It didn't help that we got a late start on account of me sending one of my students for a lovely ambulance ride after she fell during her lesson Saturday morning. It looked like a normal, slide-off-the-horse type of fall. But she hit the ground and started screaming in that "Oh Snap I Just Broke My Pelvis" kind of way, and suddenly I found myself calling 911.
Turns out, she just bruised her butt. In fact, she was smiling and joking with us by the time the ambulance arrived, which allowed me some time to snap a few pictures:

But when it comes to back injuries - and potential lawsuits - I don't mess around, so off to the ER she went.
Do I feel guilty, as a trainer, for sending one of my students to the hospital? A little.
Do I feel guilty, as a trianer, for capuring the moment with awesome cell-phone photography? Not at all, folks. Not. At. All.
(Hey, someday, she'll cherish these memories).

So that was my week.

It was wild and hairy and full of unexpected trips to unexpected places.

I'm not complaining - I love a good switch-up in routine - but I'll be happy when things calm down and the most exciting part of my day is switching the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

Phew

Pressure Cooker

My In-laws want grandchildren. They've made this perfectly clear through subtle little hints. Their plans to retire to Altoona, PA seem to have come to a screeching halt; they've suddenly subsided working on the house with intent to sell. They sit and wait, and watch to see if I'll choose a beer or a soda.

Brian's coworkers want him to have children. I'm not sure what the deal with that is, but they barrage him with questions every day. Maybe they want him to be as miserable as they are? Or maybe they just see him as a great potential father (much like we all do).

My coworkers, when I had them, started asking about children the minute I announced I was engaged, and continued to ask until the day I left. I think it's just "what you do" in an office environment. I don't blame them - the corporate 9-5 lifestyle is so prescribed, so predetermined, they practically flinch when you do something outside the norm, like stop eating meat, or wear black shoes with brown pants. Babies are the norm. When are you going to have one?

My mother wants a grandkid. She doesn't say a thing, other than to offer moral support as I go through this trial, but I know her heart, and it aches for the both of us. She just wants to retire and help raise the kid. Maybe putter around the yard a little. It would be lovely.

I had another negative pregnancy test yesterday. The labcoat....the elevator music...the extreme emotional turmoil...it was all for nothing. Conditions were about as optimal as they can get, and nothing happened. I'm at a loss. I want answers. I want to shake my doctor and tell him to figure out what's wrong with us and FIX IT ALREADY. But I can't, because I know he's doing his best, and sometimes our bodies just want to keep secrets.

Today is a hard day. I have to deal with the knowledge that a baby might not happen. I have to deal with the knowledge that I may never be a biological mother. That Brian and I may never be able to make something that is pure "us."

I know that it could be much worse - that people are dealing with much more terrible things than I.
But today?
I've lost hope.
And for me, that's about as bad as it gets.