Don't get excited.
I'm not back.
Well, not officially.
I'm like the "Brett Favre" of blogging....I make an announcement that I'm taking a break, and then all of a sudden I'm *still* making passes for the Vikings.
Go Team
Today is one of those rough days that makes you want to just bury your head under a pile of pillows or in the nearest oven until it's "tomorrow" and you can finally stop stressing and actually ENJOY that cannoli you just ate instead of just stuffing it down your piehole as fast as you can to momentarily forget that you're losing your G-D mind.
It's like you have your rational side. And your rational side KNOWS that hope, in this situation, is silly. Your rational side knows that tomorrow will be a disappointment, and you might as well just get used to it now, because there's no reason to think otherwise.
You think your calm and cool.
You expect the worse.
You know what's coming.
And then it happens.
And your hopes are crushed and mangled to an unrecognizable pulp.
And you're all, WTF, because there wasn't supposed to BE hope. Your rational side took care of that, right? But that emotional side, that sneeky bastard, was hiding hope. You didn't know it was there until it was being repeatedly run over by a Mac truck.
Ouch.
So that's what I'm in for.
I'm on a "Search And Destroy" mission, looking for any signs of hope so I can bludgeon it to death before it can hurt me.
But it never works like that. Hope is elusive. Hope is persistent. And despite my best efforts, Hope is completely uncontrollable.
Tomorrow? Is going to suck.
That hope, wherever it's hidden, is going to be trampled.
Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the pain, like when the nurse is holding your arm and is about to put the needle in, and you're all NO NO NO NO NO, but then it's in and, well, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Today, I'm anticipating tomorrow's pain. I'm all, NO NO NO NO NO, but there's nothing I can do to stop it.
So I blog, maybe to ease the pain a bit.
Lord knows the cannoli didn't work.
3 comments:
Lily there are some days I wake up and say "I would rather let Mike Tyson punch me in the face than face this day!" I usually either go back to bed or start drinking. You know, like before breakfast.
But tomorrow? Tomorrow is another day. Even if tomorrow sucks as bad as today, at least it isn't today.
This is why blogging is so great...it helps relieve some of the pain and anxiety. Or at least it gives you an opportunity to complain openly.
Hang in there...
Oh honey. I know how that feels - to hope against hope. I'm sending you some good energy...whatever it is worth.
In my darkest moments, I try to remember that nothing is taken away unless something better is coming.
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