Hoarding vs. Whoring: The Difference Is In The Details

Jericho: Lily
Me: What is it?
Jericho: Can we talk?
Me: I'm kind of busy right now buddy. Can it wait?
Jericho: I really don't think it can.
Me: *sigh* Okay, what's the problem.
Jericho: I'm concerned.
Me: I can see that. What about, bud?
Jericho: I think you have a hoarding problem.
Me: Excuse me?!? Did you just call me a whore?!?
Jericho: No, not a WHORING problem....a HOARDING problem.
Me: Oh, okay, because I was gonna say.... Wait. What? Why in the world would you think that?
Jericho: Because the number of animals in this house continues to grow exponentially.
Me: Ummmm...no it doesn't. What are you talking about?
Jericho: Well, there was me and Skittles, and that was okay. But then you got Milo...
Me: Don't even go there Bud. Before we got Milo you barely moved. He's probably put two years on your life!
Jericho: Another two years with Milo? Bestill my heart...
Me: Knock it off.
Jericho: Okay whatever. And then that fat cat moved in...
Me: Tiger? We had to! Brian's ex-wife was going to have her put down!
Jericho: Do you know what she costs you in food ALONE?!?
Me: I know. But that's not a good enough reason to have her put to sleep. What if YOUR first owner had wanted to put you down rather than adopt you out?
Jericho: Impossible.
Me: No it's not. She could have and you'd be dead right now.
Jericho. She never would have. I controlled her thoughts with my superior brain power.
Me: You are so weird. You did not.
Jericho: I could be controlling your thoughts right now.
Me: But you're not. Because you can't control people's minds.
Jericho: I guess you'll never know...
Me: MOVING ON....
Jericho: Oh. Right. And now this little black cat is here and you know what? I think she's kind of a punk.
Me: Okay, one...she's not living here. We're just watching her for Aunt Emmy. and Two...she's not a punk. You hate everyone who doesn't want to just lie around on the couch all day.
Jericho: She thinks she owns the place
Me: I know, but she's just a kitten. Ignore her.
Jericho: It's a little hard when she's using you for a landing zone for her base-jumping expeditions.
Me: Well she's leaving Friday so just deal with it.
Jericho: You said she was leaving LAST week.
Me: I know, but Aunt Emmy had to leave again and it wasn't worth it to bring her back and forth and you know what? Stop complaining. You have food. You have a roof over your head. You're fine.
Jericho: That beagle isn't moving in, is he?
Me: Who. Bandit? No, we just watch him for your grandparents once in a while.
Jericho: He's weird.
Me: I know.
Jericho: Like, REALLY weird
Me: I know.
Jericho: Like, BAD TOUCH weird
Me: Okay, okay, I get it. He's weird. He's not over very often, so just relax, okay?
Jericho: And you're not planning on getting any other pets?
Me: Nope. Just one more puppy and we're good.
Jericho: WHAATTT?!?
Me: KIDDING. Kidding. No. No more pets.
Jericho: Good. I'm glad we had this talk.
Me: Can I go back to work now?
Jericho: Oh, by all means yes. If you need me, I'll be on the couch licking my privates.
Me: Great. Thanks.