Friday, October 8, 2010

Babies. Fuck.

Dear Couple That I've Been Friends With Since Highschool.

You're expecting!

I sure didn't see that one coming.
Of course, I should have seen it coming - after all, you're married, and babies are the next obvious step. But the hormones that I'm shooting into my body 3 times a day make it so that if I'm not prepared for this kind of news, its going to upset me.

Like, makes me want to slam my forehead into a cement wall repeatedly until I knock myself unconsious kind of upsets me.

Like, makes me want to drive my car into the nearest tree at 70mph kind of upsets me.

Like, makes me want to participate in self-mutilation because clearly I'm not a suitable wife - or woman, for that matter - and I might as well just rip out all of my girly parts for all the good their doing me kind of upsets me.

Please don't take it personally.

You both are wonderful people and we have a long, LONG history together. You, guy, you were both the officiant AND the caterer at my wedding, while you, girl, coordinated the procession and helped out in a million other ways. I love you both, and you will always hold a special place in my heart.

So please, don't be offended if I freeze like a deer in the headlights the next time we see each other. Please don't be alarmed when all I manage to get out is, "hey, congrats on the new..." before i burst into tears. And please, by all means, don't take it personally when I attempt to claw your eyes out with my bare hands because the injustice of this situation is just so painfully obvious.

I mean, hey, it's a wonderful thing, right?
You do the baby dance and've got yourselves a bun in the oven.

I bet you didn't have to make a million trips to the doctor's office.
I bet you didn't have to submit yourselves to multpile humiliating and sometimes extremely painful tests.
I bet you didn't have to pay hundreds of dollars in out-of-pocket expenses (although I'm aware that without insurance, we'd be spending tens of thousands of dollars, and I am eternally grateful for having such awesome insurance)
I bet you didn't have to take a class to learn how to stick needles into your body, and then proceed to jab yourself multiple times a day until your tummy and thighs are covered in bruises and the smell of alcohol makes you instantly cringe.
Hell, I bet you didn't even have to suffer through the various side effects of the hormones coming out of those needles (which, btw, include mood swings and flu-like symptoms. super fun stuff)

Nope, I bet you guys just split a bottle wine and had at it.

And now you get to sit back and watch this little miracle grow. You get to buy books and set up a nursery and look at clothes and pick out names, and smile that little secret smile at each other because you are creating a family at this very moment.

But please, if I may have just one request.
While you're shopping for strollers and picking out paint colors, please...please...please...don't forget - not even for one second - how lucky you are.
Please don't forget that it's not this easy for some people.
Please don't forget that some people are going through hell for a shot at what you created with such ease.
Please don't forget how things could have happened.

So again, congrats.
You are both sure to be wonderful parents.
But forgive me if I don't jump up and down with joy.
I've got miles to go before I'm done with this journey, and my legs are very, very tired.

Love and kisses,
Lily's hormones


Travis said...

Dude. My wife NEVER comments on blog posts. I'm about to send this to her, and if she can quit crying long enough after, I bet she comments. I can't tell you how much I love this post. Geez. I can't tell you. Geez. Just...geez.

singedwingangel said...

Ya know despite taking every reckless chance I could in my teen years I never got preggo, put me on the bcp and I became fertile myrtle. I cannot imagine having to do all you are doing to get that news that you are pregnant. My heart aches for you and other parents who are going through this.. praying that soon you too will get that wonderful update..

Alicia said...

I don't know what to say other than...Amen.

Jillian said...

love ya lil.

Mrs. Apron said...

As my husband and I try for a baby, as we count, and calculate and plan and worry, I get to see every married person (of child-bearing age) we're friends with reproduce. It's heart-breaking. It's increasingly difficult to be happy for them, over, and over, and over again. It's hard to see their swollen bellies, to read their Facebook posts, to ogle the adorable/awkward photos, to do the baby gifts, to put on the happy face, when in fact I am so ragingly jealous.

It will happen for us, too, because we are meant to be parents, parents who will know how hard we had to work to become parents, and who appreciate the gift it will be.