Things Left Unsaid

Let me get serious on y'all for a moment, if I may.

I'll admit it - I've become sort of a blog stalker. I think blogging is an amazing way to connect with people, and following a person's blog is a great way to walk a few miles in someone else's shoes. Blogs are also a great source of inspiration for me, and I got uber-inspired after reading a blog by Live It, Love It, which turn was inspired by Twenty Something Writers.


Everybody has things that they want to say, but never will. Everybody has things they know they should have said when they got the chance, but never did. These are some of mine. Judge me if you will...or...better yet...get inspired to say something that was left unsaid, even if it is said to an anonymous internet audience.

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I've spent the past several years worrying about you and the choices you've made in your life. There were times when I was too outspoken about how I thought you should live your life. I'm sorry for this. You seem pretty happy and everybody has to make their own way, right? Just because I don't understand your choices doesn't mean I shouldn't respect them. I know that now. But for the record, I'll never stop worrying because I love you.

I'm sorry for the way our friendship ended. It wasn't you that I was mad at - I was mad at the fact that I was being influenced by people who had no right to tell me which friends I could keep and which friends I had to throw away. I threw you away. You didn't deserve that. I hope you're living a happy life, and think fondly of the times we spent together.

Thank you for allowing me so many 'sick days' growing up. I'm sure you're aware that a headachey, stomachachey, 24-hour illness rarely strikes that many times in one year, but you allowed me to stay home from school several times a year for just such an illness. I think you understood that, every now and again, you just need a day off. Your blind eye helped me get through many-a schoolyear, and I am grateful for this.

You are, far and away, the best thing that has ever happened to me. I tell you this all the time, but you never seem to believe me. Believe me. It's true.

I know you and I have established a quazi-relationship again, but don't think that just because we're talking again doesn't mean that I don't see right through your bullshit. My opinion of you hasn't changed much...I've just resigned myself to the fact that you should probably be in my life to some extent. Cut the crap, and maybe we can have a meaningful relationship again.

I've never forgive myself for the way I treated you, and I probably never will. That summer was probably the darkest, most confusing time in my entire life, and you were an innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire. I hope the fact that I regret my actions every day is some small measure of comfort to you.

I can feel our friendship slipping away, and I think you're letting it happen. I don't know if I've offended you in some way, or if you're just too busy to pick up the phone and call me, but either way, you should know that it hurts. I consider(ed) you to be one of my closest friends, and it seems that you are very quietly and politely removing yourself from my life. Please reach out to me, because I'm tired of reaching out to you and getting nothing back. I'm about to give up.

There are days when I feel pity for you, but most of the time, I believe that you are probably one of the worst people on the face of this earth. Whatever goodness that was once in you got blotted out in an eclipse of hatred and anger and paranoia, and I suspect your life will dead-end in a not-so-good place. I'd like to say I wished otherwise, but if there is any sort of Karma or justice in the world, then bad things should and will happen to you. And all the while I will be smiling. I hope this fact rots in your soul.

You have bloomed into a beautiful, creative, original, insiteful, independent, shining woman. I'm glad I was with you from the start. I hope we never fall out of touch, and I can't wait to meet your children, whenever they are conceived and born. They will be so cool!

I truly believe you will find your knight-in-shining-armor some day. Don't give up. You're a wonderful person, and the right one will come along. I'm proud of you for not settling - you deserve nothing but the best. And in the meantime, I will always be there to share a bottle of wine with you, even if it is white ;-)

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Phew! I'm done, and feeling a little like I just took all my clothes off in the middle of a crowded train station. And now I'm about to click "publish post" and expose a very private part of myself to the world (or, the 3 of you who actually read my blog).

I guess this is what one might call "therapeutic." I call it nuts.

Here goes nothing...

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