Way Off Target

Just in case anybody was worrying that Target was too good to be true (and let’s admit it, we were ALL thinking it), allow me to alleviate your fears:
No.
Target is NOT too good to be true.

Because the same people who brought us reasonably priced pajamas and papyrus greeting cards and that adorable bull terrier with the target around his eye have...apparently...brought us THESE find clothing selections:

I call this first piece The Ricky Ricardo:

Hey Ladies! Ever have one of those days where you’re in the mood to marry a feisty yet submissive ginge and sing at a Latin dance hall? How about those days when you look in your closet but just can’t find an appropriate outfit to wear to your local Pimp Convention?
And what about those cold winter mornings where you’re thinking to yourself, hey, it’d be great if I could sling a skinned otter around my neck to battle that winter chill?

Well, allow Target to answer your prayers. Pick up this coat for the low, low price of $39.99 and be the envy of every pimp, I Love Lucy fan, and frostbitten person you encounter.

And what about these beautiful skirts, which I refer to as The Courtney Love Collection?

FINALLY there’s a skirt in which I can go from giving BJs in a back alley for 8-balls to my ballet recital without having to change. Throw in some Lindsay Lohan knee-pad leggings and you’ve got yourself a highly versatile outfit that will have your next appointment behind the dumpster begging for more!



Here we have The Lumberjack Special:

What else can I say about this vest? The plaid proudly communicates “Resident of Montana,” yet the faux-fur-lined hood screams “playboy bunny.” And sleeves? Who needs them when you’re ensconced in layers of flannel and fake dead animals? What you got here is a vest that allows every aspiring pin-up to express her inner mountain man..until her arms freeze and fall off.

…and speaking of Mountain Man…
Nothing brings out your inner wild animal like The Yeti:

The Yeti is made from 100% recycled Yeti fur, skinned from only the finest Himalayan Yeti. Ever need a vest suitable for howling at the moon? Ever wonder what it would be like to wear a muppet? Than The Yeti is for you. Impress your friends! Intimidate your enemies! Spread your fleas! For the ultimate animal experience, The Yeti can’t be beat.

And finally, we have The Night Fever:

Perfect for those nights out at Studio 54, this leopard-print gem will make you the envy of everybody at the roller disco. Start your own “night fever” in this classy, stylish shrug that in no way, shape, or form makes you look like a prostitute.

Just make sure not to give anybody directions on the street while wearing it. You know…just in case the cops drive by.