Tuesday, March 30, 2010

A Eugoogoolie

Dearly Beloved,
We are gathered here to mourn the loss of our good friend and faithful companion, Green Purse.

Green Purse was a purse of unlimited potential, yet surprisingly modest beginnings; she was picked up, brand new, silica gel packet still in place, at the local GoodWill store for the humble price of $5.99.

Green Purse had then, and still had until the day she passed away, an enormous capacity for stuff. All kinds of stuff. Yes, she carried all of the basic necessities - cell phone, wallet, keys etc. But beyond those bare basics, she was known to offer shelter to a wide range of tools and equipment. When somebody brought a sweatshirt and had no need for it, she took it in. When somebody was convinced that he or she could not get through the day without 2 or 3 bottles of water, she gracefully accepted her load. And who could forget that time when she sheltered the mystery knife? Oh, Green Purse, the surprises you had in store for us all.

Green Purse was well traveled. With her owner, she went on business trips that took her to exotic destinations such as St. Cloud, Minnesota and Jacksonville, Florida, always providing a snack or reading material during long waits at in the terminal. Passport safely enveloped, she had adventures and Canada and honeymooned and Bermuda. Wherever her owner found herself, Green Purse was always in tow, clutched safetly in the armpit of her mistress lest she be snagged or pickpocketed.

Green Purse saw it all. She saw her owner quit her job and get another job. She saw her owner married, separated, divorced, and married once again. She outlasted two generations of wallets, three cell phones, and countless tubes of lipgloss. She survived a run-in with the resident cat (although she wore several scratches bravely for nearly two years), and numerous close calls with the resident NoMiloBadDog.

It was only in the last several months that she began to show her age. Hairline cracks in her shoulder strap slowly turned into unsightly gouges, until she was deemed no longer fit for public display. But up until her last day, she did what any purse should do.

She held my crap 'till the end.

Oh, Green Purse.
The places you went.
The things you saw.
The lives you changed.

You will be forever in our hearts.

6 comments:

adrienzgirl said...

When did green purse accompany you to Jacksonville? Hmmmm????

It better not have been recently or we are gonna have words Missy!

If you travel back this way....lemme know biatch! We will get together for a glass of wine, or twelve.

Rest in peace...purse of green.

Mr. Apron said...

What-- no comments about how your tampons got lovingly ensconsed within her leathery lips?

I feel cheated.

anya said...

I mourn with you. I never knew Green Purse, but I can see what she meant to you. We should all be so lucky to have a purse like that in our lives.

Ps. Mr. Apron is sick.

Kim said...

Pour a forty for the Green Purse.

Tgoette said...

I feel your pain. I've never had a green purse, or any purse for that matter (as far as anyone knows) but I did once have a special sentimental attachment to a pair of thongs.

Eventually I got rid of it because it gave me a rash, but that's another story.

YoMomma said...

You guys go back THAT far?? Who knew? No wonder you were attached at the hip.