Hard Lessons Learned This Weekend

In chronological order:

1. Don't be fooled by the excitement of a flood

I'll admit it; when I looked out the window and saw Haynes Creek rushing mere inches from the top of the dock, I got a little excited. There's nothing more thrilling than witnessing the raw power of nature. I know the creek only rose, like, two or three feet, but land was missing and trees were under water and I when I saw what had happened during the night, I rushed outside, camera in hand, admittedly enthralled with the dramatic changes to our yard. But when you live mere yards away from a creek, do not—I repeat do NOT—view a flooded backyard as a form of entertainment. An excess of water is never a good thing. Period.


2. Sump pumps are not to be trusted

It's true. Sump pumps are one of the laziest, most spiteful, and unpredictable machines ever invented by man. Their job, their only mean of existence, is to work. When water gets too high in the hole, they are supposed to pump the water out of the hole, through a network of pipes, and into some sort of vast, unknown place I like to call "the public sewer system." But do they do their job? Rarely. They run when they're not supposed to run. They stop running when they're supposed to turn on. They clog and fail, most often when nobody is home to recognize the problem before a state of emergency is created. I think sump pumps are the "red-headed stepchild" of the plumbing world; you should expect them to let you down, lest you be disappointed when they do.

3. Never sleep easy if you are under flood conditions and relying on your sump pump to keep your basement dry

Not much explanation needed here. I slept, on Friday night, dreaming of sugar plums and what-have-you, while the sump pump/timer contraption we had rigged up (on account of the sump pump running continuously) went haywire and water slowly filled our basement.

4. Wet carpet smells like ass
I should know; I had my face planted in rolls and rolls of saturated carpet (get your mind out of the gutter) while I lugged them up the stairs, through the house, and out to the garbage. It kind of smells like wet dog, mold, patchouli, and something inherently evil. I bet that’s what Dick Cheney smells like when he gets out of the shower. Gross.

5. Basement make-overs aren’t always planned

We were planning on eventually re-doing the basement. We were going to pull everything out, rip up the carpet, re-paint, re-carpet, and possibly put in a bar.
And then the basement flooded.
Now, with the exception of the bar, all of that will be happening this week. Actually, after this weekend’s fiasco, a bar will most likely be installed. And used. Heavily. See, every cloud has a silver lining. True, we might have spent our weekend dragging everything from the basement into the kitchen, dining room, living room, and sunroom to pull out the carpet, but by Christmas, we may have a fabulous new basement. Now repeat after me: The glass is half full…the glass is half full…

So, to summarize:
Flood + broken sump pump + a blissfully unaware night’s sleep = new basement

Serenity now, folks. Serenity now.