Dear Covergirl,
While I thoroughly enjoy your line of quality, affordable products, I would like to request that you refrain from using Drew Barrymore in further commercials.
Not only do your products fail to prevent Ms. Barrymore from looking like a cross-eyed garden vole with a bad case of Downs Syndrome, this most recent spokesperson appears incapable of understanding the meaning behind the lines she has painstakingly memorized. Instead of appearing as an easy, breazy, (moderately intelligent) Covergirl, rather, she presents herself with a look of fuzzy confusion akin to a drugged-up mental patient who has huffed one too many cans of Raid. I think she was actually drooling in one of your shots.
As a replacement, I recommend that you use Matthew McConaughey. I understand that most men don't wear make-up, but in truth, he could be selling Rogaine for Men and I would still purchase it. He's super hot.
Sincerely
Lily Simmons, makeup-wearer and die-hard Matthew McConaughey fan.
4 comments:
Dear Lily,
When's your CoverGirl commercial coming out?
Oh, anonymous, you just made my day.
But unfortunately I, too, would probably look more like some drug-addled mental patient and less like an easy, breezy, beautiful covergirl.
Hi, my name is Lily.
I throw stones, and I live in a glass house. :-)
Drew Barrymore is a truly phenomenal actress and I really hope you don't mean what you say.
-Drew Barrymore's attorney
Everybody's entitled to their opinion, Ken...
You should know that.
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