F My Life

Every once in a while, I find myself in need of some perspective.
And a good laugh.
Luckily, one website serves up both of these with a delicious marischino cherry on top (mmmm...marischino cherries....*drool).

Fmylife.com (and you guess what the F stands for) is a website where people can post any number of horrible life events that would cause even the most optimistic of people to scream “F MY LIFE” at the top of their lungs. It’s a great site, and I’m completely hooked.

Here are a few of my favorites:

Today, my first graders released the butterflies we've been raising. The kids were sad that one had died in his cocoon and wouldn't be set free. Turns out that butterfly may have had a better fate: a flock of birds ate half of the others. Immediately after releasing them. In front of the kids. FML
- Wow, they'll probably be scarred for life. "My stu...stu...stutter started when I saw the butterfly I had raised from a kuh..kuh..catterpiller get eaten as s...s...soon as it was released. Puh...puh...poor Harold."

Today, I finally got my cast taken off my leg after a long month of crutches. I was so excited, until four dead spiders fell out. FML
- GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!

Today, I came home from work and went to open the door. I Iooked in the window and saw a man in my house. Terrified, I called the police. They came, searched the house, and found nothing missing. I went back inside and looked through the window and saw him again. It was my reflection. FML
- Okay, this guy is an idiot, and I give him credit for even posting his retarded-ness online

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben & Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML
- Man, that's come cold, cold shit. Everybody knows you don't mess with another person's Ben & Jerry. You just don't.

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML
- Sounds like something I would do.

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML
- This guy deserves it for wearing a mask because of this stupid swine flu nonsense. Douche.

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
- Okay, that's pretty messed up. But I'll keep this post for when I have my own children and do something equally horrible. When they complain, I can say, "See, I'm not the only one!"

Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
- SOMEBODY CALL MAURY (yeah, that was for you, Rob)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
- Just goes to show that a good deed never goes unpunished. [sidenote: I may have been the person stealing that guy's bike]

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living. FML
- Which is why I have forbidden Brian from going to strip clubs. With my luck, he'd end up in the one I work in, too.


So there you have it…no matter how much your life seems to suck, it could always be worse, right?

Have a great weekend, everybody!