Bonus Saturday Post: Why My Sump Pump Is A WHORE

Q: What's the only thing worse than having your basement flood?

A: Emptying it out, drying it out, repainting it, and recarpeting it only so it can flood again when the %&#%#@^$**(#^@%%^@^&@@*(*(^#@$%&^@#*@#^* - ing sump pump decides that 5 months is too long to work and breaks down like a #$&*^&$#%*&$#&&*&@*($^#%#@*(.

Somebody kill me.

After a lovely day of sleeping in, buying flowers, and working in the yard, I went downstairs to grab...something (I don't even remember)...and I heard the unmistakable "splish" as my foot stepped into a big ole' puddle of water. In the basement. That flooded last December in what we now refer to as the Soggy Basement Massacre of '08. That we went to great lengths (and inhaled many toxic fumes) to repaint and recarpet. All that hard work and hard-earned money spent fixing it up? Lost. The whole basement is wet. ALL OF IT.

The only thing Brian and I managed to do tonight after discovering that that son-of-a-whore sump pump totally shafted us was buy a new sump pump (goodbye, $300) and get ColdStone's ice-cream.

Because when you're this close to wanting to kill yourself, sometimes ColdStone's is the only thing that can bring you back from the edge.

And now Brian just came up from the basement to report that the sump pump is working fine (yeah, they all do at first), but we forgot to buy battery fluid for the $94 battery back-up system.

WTF IS BATTER FLUID?!?!?

IS OWNING A HOME SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD?!?!?!

DID I SERIOUSLY JUST EAT ICE-CREAM FOR DINNER?!?!?!

Well, these questions are going to have to go unanswered, because it's almost 10:30 at night and all I want to do is take a shower, watch some Southpark on Netflicks (no commercials, beeyatch), and pray for a quick death tomorrrow when we officially assess the damage.

GAH