Awards! Pics! A Chance To Win! (I might have lied about that last one)

Well, folks, I’m happy to announce that I’m doing a bit better today; instead of feeling like death warmed over, I've upgraded to life chilled down, which seems infinitely better, but that might just be the optimist in me.
Consider me to be a good white wine: chilly and dry (on account of the cold meds), yet still delightfully robust.

Wow.
Delightfully robust.
I think that says it all. (I’m totally putting that on a T-shirt).

More importantly, I’ve got a bit of my piss-and-vinegar back (although I don’t even really know what that means) and am ready to address some matters of interest.
First up?
Awards.
Ah lahks meh sum
And thanks to Ed over at Ed’s Funny Pages and Travis over at I Like To Fish, I gotz me sum purdy ones:

To be honest, I received both of these awards while I was either losing my shit over the wedding or combating tourists on my honeymoon, so I have no idea if these come with any kinds of rules or stipulations. All I know is I got ‘em and I’m not giving them back.
Dibs, mother f*ckers.

So many thanks to Ed and Travis. You two are some funny cats, and the bloggy world wouldn’t be the same without you.

Next up?
Bermuda pics.
Check it:

Fortress in the Dockyard


Church in the city of Hamilton

Bermuda Botanical Gardens

I dunno. A boat.

On the way to snorkeling, infinitely grateful that we were there instead of working

Bermuda beaches are the shit

See above caption

St. Georges (the town was celebrating it's 400th year)

More St. Georges - or maybe that was in Hamilton? I dunno. It's not my job to keep track of this shit.

This was definitely St. Georges...I think.

Ditto.

So, did I like Bermuda? Yes and no. Don't get me wrong - Bermuda is a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL island. It's tropical and safe and for some reason, the entire time you're on it, you smell flowers constantly, which is actually pretty bizarre when you think about it. Like, not just getting a whif here and there but every time you breathe in, you smell flowers. I swear to god, I though I was getting a brain tumor or something. So I told Brian that I thought I was getting a brain tumor because I smelled flowers, and he's all "no, you're not getting a brain tumor because I smell them too," to which I replied, "maybe we're BOTH getting brain tumors," and we contemplated that because really, what are the odds?

Finall we just decided that since we both were experiencing the same senosory hallucination, it was probably more likely that there were just a lot of flowers on the island rather than us both by some odd chance developing the same sort of cerebral malignancy.

But it was a scary 5 minutes, guys. I kid you not.

So like I said, Bermuda is warm and beautiful and serene and everything an island paradise should be.

Who wouldn't love it, right?

Call me crazy (trust me, you won't be the first. Or the last), but despite the beautiful surroundings Bermuda had to offer, I didn't really feel like I was in another world or anything, which is how I like to feel when I've shelled out thousands of dollars and traveled for multiple days.

I guess it was just hard to feel like I was really far, far away from the US when I had fucking New Yorkers up my ass 24/7 driving segways and complaining about the beer not being cold enough and getting in near-accident after near-accident because "these fucking panzy brit assholes drive on the wrong fucking side of the road. What a bunch of fucking morons!"

So, yeah. There was that aspect.

Honestly, I think Bermuda is great for people who want to hang out somewhere warm and beautiful, yet very safe and very, VERY Americanized.

As for me, I think I'll stick to where I'm most comfortable: OFF the beaten path, preferably with a backpack on my back, a dictionary in my hand, and - and this is very important here - not a segway-driving New Yorker in sight.