Friday's Featured Follower

Holy Crap, guys! It’s Friday! Which means by this time tomorrow, you’ll find me A) still in my jammies, B) NOT at work – and therefore NOT contemplating suicide, and C) yelling at Milo (because if I’m at home, then that’s what I’m doing).

And in an unprecedented feat of recall, I’ve somehow managed to remember that on Fridays, I was going to feature a follower.
Because my brain shuts down on Fridays...I mean...Because I love my readers!

Today’s grope-fest features My Masonic Apron. I don’t know his name because he’s kind of anonymous like that. I mean, like, there's not even a PICTURE or anything, for chrissake. Just a weird icon.
My guess is that a large dot would appear over his residence if we looked him up on certain watchdog websites, but I suppose we’ll never really know why.

The only thing I DO know for certain is that this blogger/possible child predator has stolen my heart.
For realz.

Why I want to do sexy times with his blog:
I’m not gonna lie; most funny bloggers (myself included) are funny because, well, to be quite honest, we don’t really have that much else to contribute to modern society. I’m no groundbreaking artist, and I’m CERTAINLY no leader of future generations. What I AM is a funny MF-er with a potty mouth and the nerve to say some truly insulting things, so I stick to tickling funny bones instead of Neo-cortexes.

But this guy? He tickles funny bones and Neo-cortexes and at least three other parts of the human body that I’m not at liberty to discuss. One day he can have me laughing so hard that vodka...er...recently inhaled coke...er...semen...er...milk comes out of my nose (wow, that was awkward), and the next day he has me contemplating the extent that criminal profiling should be allowed to influence matters of the law.

Yanno, if you’re in to that kind of thing.

Plus, he’s Jewish. So if it turns out that the Jews were right about this whole religion thing, then I guess I’m getting some brownie points by reading his blog, right? Isn’t that how it works?

One of my favs:
My Masonic Apron does this recurring thing where he takes the questions from “Dear Abby” and answers them himself.
I know what you’re thinking: “Dear Abby isn’t dead yet?”
No, she’s not.
Or at least her column isn’t (although for some reason, I keep imagining her head, in a jar, reading through various submissions and dictating her responses to her secretary. Creepy.)

They’re all great, but for an example, let’s hyperlink to this one.

It doesn’t need much of an explanation or commentary. It’s just really fucking funny. So go read it. And then be sure to add him to your blog roll and visit him daily (his posts are usually up by the time I get to work, the crazy SOB).
You won’t regret it.
And if we all check in on him regularly, I think that counts as some sort of “predator watch system.”
We’ll be doing parents around the world a solid.

I don't know about you, but I sure could use the good karma...

And if you want to be in the running for next week's Friday Featured Follower, then make sure you're following me and showering me with praises on regular intervals.

(I'm talking to YOU, person who lurks on my site anonymously and refuses to follow me or leave me feedback. You know who you are. DONT' WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!)