I need a cocktail and a sandy beach like a Lindsey Lohan needs leggings with built-in kneepads.
What?
As a go-with-the-flow type of person, it generally takes a lot to stress me out.
But once I’m stressed out? I completely lose my shit.
We all know this
Well, those who know me or read my blog regularly know this.
And this week – this FUCKING week of mechanical failure and dying relatives and family obligations – is putting me over the top.
As I mentioned before, my car died over the weekend. It’s now in the shop getting a complete diagnosis and whatever is wrong with it is GUARENTEED to cost me an arm and a leg because my car is essentially a hole in the ground in which I throw thousands upon thousands of dollars on an annual basis.
Dear Red Rocket
Thanks for going an entire year an a half before breaking down again. It was just enough time for me to think that maybe – just maybe – you were going to cut the shit and start running like a reliable vehicle instead of being a fuck-all hunk of junk like you usually are. It must have been fun dashing my hopes and dreams like that, you POS.
Never in my life have I been so tempted to vandalize my own car.
And Brian’s grandmother dying is sad and unfortunate and of course I’ll be attending the funeral because that’s just what you do when somebody dies, but then I get this email from my manager:
[your request for time off] is approved. I checked with [HR person] regarding bereavement. Since you are not officially married, and the [company] policy states 1 day off for grandmother-in-law, this will be unpaid. Payroll has already been submitted for this Thurs, so you will see a reduction in your pay for this day on your next paycheck.
This email?
Is making me want to hurt people. And I don’t even care that once again I’m breaking the cardinal rule of not talking about work on your very public blog, because I. Have. Had. It. with this place.
Go ahead and fire me.
Your mom…
And let’s not even discuss about the wedding that is in exactly 32 days (that's 4 WEEKENDS, PEOPLE) and how I haven’t put the food list together or made an appointment to get my dress tailored or…
Whatever.
I can’t even get in to it.
Suffice to say, I’ve got a crap-ton of stuff to do.
And there are other familial obligations that have cropped up that I’m not really at liberty to discuss, but they’re big.
And time-zapping.
And I’m going to have to be the "pillar of strength" for the next few weeks when all I want to do is have a glass of wine (or five) and crawl into bed.
Look.
I know it could be worse. I know that there are MUCH WORSE THINGS than a broken-down car and a busy week and a wedding to plan. And don't get me wrong, I am so grateful to have a car and a job and a man who wants to marry me.
But if I could just fast-forward to October 11 when the wedding is over and my family is more settled and I'm happily on my way to Bermuda, that would be just great.
Does anybody have a time machine they could lend me?
I'll trade you one tomato-red Subaru Impreza for it.
(and if you play your cards right, I might just throw in one riding-boot-eating dog for free)
6 comments:
I think the universe is testing you. Just breathe, everything will be ok! If not, then copious amounts of beer and chocolate will work just fine. I'll even join you.
ps.that email? Horrendous. Tell them to f#*k off from me, since you can't.
Here's what you do: ask for only money from your guests, no presents, no cut-glass fucking finger bowls or anything. With said money, buy a new car.
That way, you can feel great about your choice of entertainment at the wedding: doling out fifty baseball bats/ice-picks/torches to your guests and having everybody pitch in to beat the fuck out of your red Impreza.
Just watch those gasoline-fueled flames lick the night sky! And then your new hub and all his whacker fire-buddies can put it out! Everybody wins!
Breathe deep...all will be well. Take one thing at a time. Simplify what you can. Remember, it's YOUR wedding, not everyone else's.
I know, easier said than done.
start drinking heavily!
fucking HR bastards!
We ARE in totally similar situations. I just had a car repair where I questioned whether to get it fixed or drive it off a cliff. The only reason we didn't go with the cliff idea was because we can't afford a new car payment. Such is life.
I have to think these things have to come to an end sometime. Otherwise I truly will go crazy.
When it rains, it motherfuckin' POURS! I'm sorry you have all this stress going on, but try to stay calm, it will be over soon.
HR departments live to grant non-paid days off, I swear.
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