If you haven't ever seen Mallrats, then ignore the title of this post.
Suffice to say, it describes the act of having sexy times in a very uncomfortable place...
...which is exactly how I feel today.
Backdoor, no lube.
You guys, I got screwed.
My whole plan to quit my job and become a freelance writer was hinged upon a pretty big variable.
A variable that was thoroughly examined and believed to be free of any real risk.
In other words, the risk of this plan falling through was pretty much less than 1%.
And yet...
It fell through.
There was nothing I could do - it was completely out of my control.
So I found out last night that the variable, which was to constitute approximately 80% of my yearly income, was out of the picture.
Last night?
Was not a good night.
Hell, this morning wasn't such a good morning either.
This afternoon, I'm feeling a bit better.
I'm trying to be all bouncy and resiliant and NOT take out a hit on certain individuals.
But it's hard.
And scary.
And I'm kind of facing those deamons that nobody likes to face. You know...Guilt, Failure, Self-Loathing, Regret....all those hard-core bad-ass emotions that make you want to drink whiskey straigh-up until you're passed out in a puddle of vomit and tears.
Rest assured, there was no intake of alcohol last night. Tears, on the other hand, were plentiful.
So I guess instead of this whole transition being all "super-awesom move towards independence and a happier life," it's going to be a little more "something you survived and in the end will make you a stronger person but for now is making you all stressed and stabby."
But hey, it could always be worse, right?
RIGHT?!?
Poop.
13 comments:
Lily, you just gotta lube up and get back on the pony... hang in there!
Hey there.
You're gonna be alright, I promise.
A girl as tough as you, married to a firefighter no less, will be just fine.
Also, I need extra money, so for sure, call me for the hit.
You know...if you do it.
Someplace girls dread
Love the Mallrats.
You went for your dream. It didn't work out exactly like you planned, but you're still you. You'll dust yourself off, you'll figure it out, and you'll be even better than before.
You know that you can do this. You know that you have the talent and the drive to make it happen. When it does (when, not if) it will taste that much sweeter.
You know the old cliche about a door closing? Just means another one has just opened. I believe you'll be okay.
We should have a telethon for you.
Or, more like a webathon.
Like for Jerry's Kids, but with less stupids and retards, and more funnies.
Wellllll.... you could always take over Janine's PW position when she eventually leaves. Just think, you and Keith writing together again! It'll be like you're the new Starsky and Hutch, Paris and Nicole, Britney and K-Fed, Heidi and Spencer... I could go on and on. Can you just imagine it?!
Oh Yeah, I forgot to mention earlier, but I nominated you for Best Writing WebBlog of 2009 for the 2010 Bloggies.
Sally-Sal got my nod also.
Take it from a girl who is so used to getting hooped, I don't even fight it anymore. Just bend over, grab my ankles and go to my "happy place" until the violation is over. Don't worry Lily. I took the leap from fully employed to freelance writer three years ago and haven't looked back since. You'll be fine. If something fell through, it just means there's something else for you on the horizon. Okay? Okay.
You'll be ok. Most often plans change for the better. It's scary at first but it'll have a happy and rewarding end.
I'm very offended that you didn't spell "Volkswagen" correctly. You're just like all those people finding vintage Beetles in Alabama barns or getting rid of their Herbie replicas because "the wife says it's gotta go!"
But I like you anyway. And I'm very sorry you got fucked in the ass without the gloopy gloop. I'm concerned for you, but I believe you will be okay, because really, really bad things only happen to bad people. And black people.
You'll bounce back and find something better. Maybe not right away, but eventually. I'm sure you can find something to get stabby on in the meantime.
you could go to the dirt mall and talk to the 3rd nipple gypsy...
:(
time for plan B
You will be just fine girly. Sometimes the things we plan are just not what we are supposed to do, and what comes next will be better than we planned!
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