Monday, July 20, 2009

Nonexistant Recap and Potential Kidnapping

From what I remember of the soccer game, it was a blast.

Saturday was a whirlwind of athletic activities combined with heavy imbibment of alcoholic beverages, which is just how I like my weekends, as long as I’m the one doing the imbibing and not the athleticizing (yeah, I just made that word up. But I’m a professional writer, so it’s all good).

Brian’s Never-Ending Softball League was FINALLY coming to a close in a frenzy of softball games that started at 10:30 am and didn’t quit ‘till 6:00 pm.

And that, my friends, is a lot of softball.

And I’m sad to say that the entire day was for naught, because they lost both the first and the third game, and apparently 1 out of 3 is not enough to get you into the final round. Despite my protest, there were no points awarded for having a cute butt, which is a shame, because Brian’s butt is exceedingly cute in those softball pants, and it would have undoubtedly carried them to victory, should those kinds of things count.
Which is probably why they don’t let women make the rules for these games.

So, while I enjoyed the view of Brian’s derriere from my seat in the stands, it was still a long, long day of watching middle-aged men sweating and gasping for breath and pulling muscles. I swear, BenGay could have been an official sponsor of this thing.

And, knowing that I was in for some beer-drinking crazyness at the soccer game, I watched most of it sober. It was only around 5:00 - half-way through the last game – that I realized any sort of soccer pre-gaming was going to have to occur AT this last game, because we were tight on time and even if we did make it to Lincoln Financial Field in time to see the soccer match start, we’d be too busy hustling our asses off to tailgate in any way, shape or form.

So I started on what later became Operation Can't-Feel-My-Face and I can honestly say that sometime between 5:00 and 6:00, watching softball became fun. Really fun. I was almost sad to see it end.
Almost.
But we were on to bigger and better things of the futbol variety.
We had already missed the 5:00 game between Canada and Honduras, but we arrived just in time to grab a few beers and find our seats. Of course, by the time we got to the stadium I was already 2 ½ sheets to the wind. Needless to say, 15 minutes into the match, I couldn’t have told you who was playing if my life depended on it. All I knew was that it was a beautiful night and the beer was flowing and the refs obviously had no idea what they were doing.
I cursed a lot.
I also think I did the wave.
And I’m pretty sure the US won.
All in all, it was an awesome night.

I found pictures on my camera in the morning. 90% of them were blurry beyond recognition (I believe artistic is the word I used Saturday night), but here are a few that came out.


And, of course, here's the obligatory turn the camera and take a shot of the happy couple picture, complete with one pair of very drunk eyes (hint: not Brian)


So that’s my nonexistent recap of the game. No Panamanians were befriended (to my knowledge), but I almost smuggled home a little Panamanian baby in my purse because it was that cute, and my uterus has been demanding that kind of thing lately. Undoubtedly kidnapping it would have made for an excellent story, but my dedication to this blog falls short of commiting crimes that can get me 5 to 10 years in state.

Because I am way to pretty for jail.

6 comments:

Organic Meatbag said...

Hey, getting drunk off my ass is the only way I think I could enjoy soccer, so good for you! And yes, stay out of jail at all costs...you don't want to be sharing the shower room with some Large Marge bitch that may very well be packing a set of impressive testicles under her fat flaps...

phairhead said...

nice pic, you look happy. oh that's right, yr drunk, of course you were happy : )

Jeanette said...

My philosophy is that if you can't remember then it's a good time. So sounds like you had a great time!

Emily said...

Nice pics! If I had been there, I would have undoubtedly demanded a ride in the canoe on the soccer field.

Erin said...

It sounds like you guys had fun and you look content in the picture of you two.
I also enjoy the picture of the guy with the yellow 'fro all "What the eff!?" in the middle of the field.

Mom2Peach said...

Yo lady---I'm FINALLY catching up on all your mischief. (Clearly I need to make better use of all my non-billable BATS activity time.) Sounds like much fun was had, even if you don't remember much of it. Love the pic of you guys.