You Had Me At Beer

Brian says he loved me from the moment he met me. I’m pretty sure he just says that to get in my pants, but it’s sweet, none the less.

Whether it’s true or not, I don’t really care (and lets be honest, it’s really not that hard to get in my pants in the first place). What I DO know is there was one moment, early in our relationship, where he looked at me with pure love in his eyes for the first time.

We had just made love in the surf, with the waves crashing around us and…

Okay, lol. Just kidding. You can get arrested for that kind of stuff, yanno.

We were actually in his garage. I don’t remember what we were out there for, exactly, but we were picking our way around the golf clubs and lacrosse sticks and tiki torches and mounds of cardboard intended for recycling. As I daintily stepped over some squashed cardboard containers, I pointed to a Troegs six-pack holder lying on the ground and said “Ooh, that’s a great beer.”

Well, I’ll tell ya, his head couldn’t have snapped up any faster if I had just said “oops, I just got my white T-shirt all wet and I’m not wearing any underwear.” He looked at me with an intensity I had never seen before and said in a dangerously controlled voice,

“Are you serious?”

Wondering if I had somehow offended him, I confirmed my previous statement.

And then, there it was.
BAM.

He was all dopey with love (I think I heard angles singing).

Brian says that finding a woman who likes backpacking and rock climbing and dogs and is reasonably attractive is hard to find, but finding a woman who likes backpacking and rock climbing and dogs and is reasonably attractive and likes beer is like finding a winning lottery ticket.

I swear, he’s always trying to get in my pants.

Truth is, I fully believe that a well-brewed beer can be as complex and 3-dimensional as a good wine. And lord knows I’ve had enough beer and wine to fully validate this theory.

In honor of the discovery of another truly spectacular beer last night, I though I’d present to you a few of my favorites. Now, as you read this list, keep in mind that A) I’m a fan of flavored beer, and B) I’m a girl, which means that any of these beers could potentially be viewed as “girly” beers (although I’ve had confirmation from various male counterparts that they are spectacular, regardless of your gender).

You’ve been warned (you sexist pig)

So here it is,
Lily’s Top Beer Picks of 2009

1. The Kaiser (Avery)
I met The Kaiser when Brian and I were hosting an Oktoberfest beer tasting of no less than 32 different beers. So for this beer to stand out among 31 other blind taste-tests really speaks to its character. It pours dark amber with a significant head (yeah, that’s what she said). It contains heavy notes of smoke, caramel and malt, and it’s sweet in a way that’s not overbearing. It’s definitely not for pounding. Drink it in a dark, dank tavern somewhere in Europe after your girlfriend left you for a Swedish exchange student named Sven and you just realized that your bike got stolen. And then have a few sips and realize that life is about the journey, and chalk it up to a good story. Then get yourself a good prostitute and a bag of hashish and sex/smoke your problems away. Just make sure you finished your beer first, because it’s really, really good.

2. Silk Lady (Dick’s) (Would you believe I couldn't find a picture of the label online? For shame!)
This is the only beer on my list that wasn’t purchased in the greater South Jersey area. I sampled this beer in Washington state in a hotel room at the base of Mount Rainier. This was, maybe, 3 or 4 years ago, and I only had two bottles. But I still remember how good it tasted. Granted, beer tastes better when you’ve just hiked an awesome trail on the Olympic peninsula and you’re about to hike an even better trail up to the Tahoma Glacier on Mount-freaking-Rainier, and wow, I can’t even believe that I’m here, but in the meantime you’ve had a lovely shower and are guaranteed a good night’s sleep in a real bed (with pillows and everything). So yeah, there might be some bias. But the beer is really quite lovely. Hazy and yellow, with lots of melon and citrus and coriander in a Belgian yeast base. De-LIGHTFUL. If you’re planning a trip to Washington State, let me know so we can coordinate some sort of purchase and retrieval deal, because alcohol shipping laws in the U.S. suck my balls.

3. Summer Solstice Cerveza Crema (Anderson Valley)
This beer is just flat out awesome. We own, literally, cases of the stuff. Every time we bring it to a party, someone inevitably grabs one, and then I watch them like a creep-o while they open it, take a sip, and immediately do this thing where they furrow their brows and stare at the label because it caught them completely off guard. It’s just…good. Sweet and spicy and malty and completely balanced. And we never get sick of it, which is really saying something. Of note, Anderson Valley also makes a Winter Solstice beer around that is equally tasty, so they’ve got you covered year ‘round. And we appreciate that.

Editors note: I looked this beer up and someone reviewed it and said they could taste, “Notes of creamed corn and roasted marshmallow.” Lol. Some people take beer tasting WAY too seriously!

4. Crème Brulee Imperial Milk Stout (Southern Tier)
This is my most recent discovery, which prompted me to write this blog. The label said it was “brewed with real vanilla beans” and I LOVES me some vanilla, so I picked it up. Wow. Vanilla indeed. The minute I opened it, I could smell the vanilla. It actually smelled so strong that it ruined Brian’s beer for him (“Mine just doesn’t smell as good as yours”). The taste was, in a word awesome, although it poured jet-black and has an intimidating structure to it. It’s definitely not a summer beer, and don’t plan on drinking more than a glass or two, because it sits in your stomach like a Stout-y rock and you could potentially vom, which would truly be a waste of this beer. Also, because of the strong flavor, I’m contemplating cooking with it. I’m brilliant.

5. Cherry Wheat (Sam Adams)
I had to put this one down because of all the beers I’ve tasted in the7 years since I’ve turned 21 (plus the 4-some-odd years before I turned 21), I keep coming back to this one. It’s like visiting an old friend who is guaranteed to be a good time, whether you’re sober or not. I can drink anywhere between 1 and 8 of these bad boys and enjoy every sip. Of course, after I’ve had a few, the subtle flavors of this beer are somewhat lost (kind of like my dignity), but either way, I’m having a good time. Also, it’s available in practically every liquor store in the state, so…bonus! When in doubt, grab a 6-pack of cherry wheat. It’ll never let you down, and it tastes as good coming up as it does going down. Trust me.

So there you have it. Five of my favorite beers, in no particular order.
Cheers!

Tapdancing In The Dark asks that you enjoy these beverages responsibly.

And by responsibly, we mean that you shouldn’t drive if you’ve had, like a bajillion of them, and you should always use a condom, because there are some SCARY STDs out there (we’ve heard. Not that we’ve ever had any)
Remember: No glove, no love.