Oh my god, you guys.
So I woke up today to a monsoon. No joke, a freaking monsoon, with the wind and the rain and the flooding and the dogs not so much wanting to go outside so that I had to literally poke milo outside with my umbrella.
It was one of those days where you want to call out sick and walk around in your bathrobe and imitate the scene from Risky Business where Tom Cruise slides across the floor, before he went all gay and crazy and got himself a beard out of that poor Dawsons Creek chick with the unfortunate wardrobe and engineered himself a baby named after a style of indian dress, and started believing that unhappiness is the result of alien ghosts inhabiting your body or whatever those Scientologist wackos believe.
And on a day like today, if you were to ask me, "Lily, what would make your day better?" I'd say well, it'd be great if it could stop raining so hard so I wouldn't have to worry about the sump pump failing and our basement flodding, and if I could somehow lose about 4 pounds so that these dress pants could apppear a little more "business casual" and a little less "office skank" (insomuch that I'm forced to wear them with a thong, which is a crime in itself), that would be stellar.
And then the Baby Jesus, in all His mercy, shone His face upon me. And the birds sang and a rainbow appeared, and what did I encounter, after a hellish commute that lasted more than an hour, other than the office parking lot, flooded with 4 feet of water, rendering entry impossible without the assistance of some sort of flotation device.
And I looked upon it.
And it was good.
So I said to myself, "Self, today is clearly your lucky day." And then Crystal and I went out for breakfast at Panera, because nothing says impromptu day off like a delicious pastry and hot coffee.
In other words, why am I sitting on a computer on my day off?
Peace out, yo.
9 comments:
we had goddamned snow up here! at least i had part of the morning off to catch up on my crap reality show "Celebrity Sex Rehab w/ Dr. Drew". though Panera is much better than crap TV
Damn you to hell...I am sending infestation your way... don't say I didn't warn you...
I think you should have capitalized the I in Indian.
Just sayin.
Can you maybe push some of that rain our way? It's negative 874 degrees out here, and it would turn to snow, and that shit would be cool.
Wait.
I'm pretty sure John Cusack just drove by...
Blast yer skuppers to Davy Jones' locker!! Arrgggh.
Life's little blessings sometimes come in flood sizes.
I wished it so. Member that? Yesterday, I wished you joy and rainbows for today. Yes, you're welcome!
I gotta do wish me up a money tree!
Ah, you must have ordered the dubiously-titled "Chocolate Pastry" from Panera.
Right? Am I right?
I went into one two weeks ago and ordered a "Chocolate Croissant" just to see what the eyeshadowed dimwit behind the counter would do. Don't you know she stood looking at all the desserts, hesitantly picked up a chocolate croissant, and showed it to a colleague?
"Is this a chocolate croissant?" she asked.
"Yes," he said.
And my wife looked at me. We were late for a play and I was thoroughly exasperated driving, but we had to stop for food. She said,
"Why do you do things like that?"
And I looked at her and I said,
"Because, honey, no matter how late I'm running and how crazed and psychotic I get-- there's always, always, time to be a dick."
We have 10" of snow... I think I rather have that than rain.
I love Panera. Just made French Onion soup that I hope tastes as good if not better than theirs!
Ha.
I love when people make fun of Tom Cruise.
Is that wrong?
If it is, I don't want to be right.
Enjoy your rainy day off, slacker.
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