Me: Hey, Bluefish, what’s crack-a-lak-in?
Bluefish (BF): Hey. *sigh
Me: What’s the matter, bro? You look depressed.
BF: I am
Me: What’s wrong?
BF: I can’t swim
Me:….
BF:…
Me: Dude.
BF: What?
Me: You’re a FISH…
BF: So?
Me: I’m pretty sure you know how to swim.
BF: Not anymore.
Me: You’re insane.
BF: I’m NOT! Look!
[Swims furiously to the bottom of the tank and then floats to the top like a buoy]
Me: OOOOh.
BF: See what I mean? I’ve forgotten how to swim.
Me: Hmmm, how do I put this? Do you want the good news or the bad news?
BF: What? Good news.
Me: You haven’t forgotten how to swim.
BF: Awesome. I'm so relieved. What’s the bad news?
Me: You have that floaty condition that fish sometimes get.
BF: That floaty condition?
Me: Yeah. All of a sudden, they just sort of…float. Like, every time they try to swim down, they float back to the surface. Just like you.
BF: Oh, so I haven’t forgotten how to swim?
Me: No. You just have the floaty condition.
BF: That’s great news!
Me:….
BF: What?
Me: Nothing.
BF: WHAT?!? Tell me.
Me: The floaty condition isn’t so great.
BF: Uh-oh. What do you mean?
Me: I mean….geeze…um…the last fish I had who got the floaty thing kind of….er…
BF: Don’t say it…
Me: …died
BF: AAAK!
Me: Dude, I’m SO SORRY, but I couldn’t not tell you.
BF: I’M GOING TO DIE?!?!?!?
Me: Well, maybe not…
BF: I’M GOING TO DIE!!!!
Me: Well, yeah, probably….
BF: HOLY SHIT I’m GONNA DIE!!!
Me: Jesus, calm down.
BF: I’M GOING TO DIE. DON’T TELL ME TO CALM DOWN!!!!
Me: Well, let’s be honest here – you’ve been on your way out for a long time now.
BF: THAT’S NOT TRUE!
Me: Uhhh…it is. I’ve been watching you sleep ON YOUR SIDE at the bottom of the tank for, like, 4 months now.
BF: So what?
Me: Well, it’s usually not a good sign.
BF: Jesus Christ, I’m going to die.
Me: Speaking of which, do you have a soul?
BF: A what?
Me: A…oh…nevermind.
BF:….
Me: Who wants dinner?!?
9 comments:
You make me want to talk to my fish more often.
This is brilliant! Even for a creative whore!
:)
Poor blue fishy. Here he thinks it's just an exercise problem and really it's a death problem. :)
I am so sorry for your loss of Blue Fish. But you know he was one stubborn little feller. Did ya flush him?
Love this post!
One fish, two fish, red fish, dead fish...
LMAO poor thing
The fish
Now I am a *sad panda* for the blue fish. :(
This post reminded me of how addicted my wife is to the Facebook app "Happy Aquarium."
Yesterday, on my sick day at home, I actually "fed" her "fish."
Woe be me, I found no floaters.
I was lured in by the title of your post in hopes that this would be about poop.
Sadly, it was just a tease.
Good fish talk though.
Every fish I've ever had has died within 2 days. I think all fish were bought from Walmart though...
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