The Mind-Body Disconnect, Now With Better Dialogue!

Mind: Woah, that was some holiday, right? One for the record books...
Body: Shut up – I’m not talking to you.
Mind: What? What did I do?
Body: You know exactly what you did, and I hate to tell yah, but it was approximately 3,000 calories
Mind: Oh, you’re talking about dinner, right?
Body: What else would I be talking about? Why would you do that? What’s WRONG with you?
Mind: Hey, don’t blame me! They design an entire holiday around eating, and I’m not supposed to overindulge a little bit?
Body: I think “overindulge” is a gross understatement, don’t you?
Mind: Oh, it wasn’t that bad. Look on the bright side! I gave you fruits! And veggies!
Body: Hooray, I’ll be full of essential vitamins when I keel over from a heart attack!
Mind: Okay, okay, I get the point. Too much food. Got it. Next year, I’ll tone it down a bit.
Body: You said that last year.
Mind: But this time I promise. Hey, what was I supposed to do? The in-laws were coming. I had to put on a good show…
Body: That doesn’t mean you have to EAT the show…and while we’re at it, we need to talk about the alcohol.
Mind: What about it?
Body: Well, it was a bit much, wouldn’t you say?
Mind: Oh, I don’t think it was THAT bad. A few drinks maybe…
Body: A FEW drinks?!?
Mind: Okay, more than a few drinks. But it was Thanksgiving weekend…
Body: That’s no excuse. You know, Liver is never going to be the same. He’s having nightmares and flashbacks…
Mind: Oh gimme a break…
Body: We think he might have post-traumatic stress disorder…
Mind: It wasn’t THAT bad…
Body: He’s been barely able to function…
Mind: I’ll make it up to him.
Body: With Christmas around the corner? HAH! Don’t make me laugh.
Mind: I will, I swear.
Body: You know, the Kidneys aren’t in too good shape either, what with all that salt.
Mind: Jesus, let it go already.
Body: I’m just saying…there are consequences to these sorts of things.
Mind: Point taken. Next year, I’ll cut back on the eating and drinking. Now, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go back to sleep…
Body: Oh no you don’t! We have to go to work.
Mind: Well you go on ahead and I’ll catch up. Say around 11:00 or so…
Body: Okay, but promise you’ll show up eventually? Last Tuesday you totally baled and I had to write half a newsletter without your help. It was pretty rough…I kept confusing “Pathology” with “Pathophysiology” and I might have gotten a dosing scheme wrong.
Mind: I’ll be there. Promise.
Body: Okay, see you at work
Mind: Yep. Just a few more hours…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Body: Idiot...