It’s a scatter-brained kind of day, so you’re going to get a scatter-brained kind of post. Don’t like it? Complaints can be emailed to Icouldn’tpossiblycareanyless@yourmom.com.
· Somewhere around the 867th time my new coworker asked me if I had lunch (you know who I’m talking about – the enthusiastic, freshly-minted PharmD with the IQ of a dill pickle), I decided to stop being nice to her. And I know that you guys must think that I’m some sort of monstrous human being, I’m actually pretty nice to people’s faces, so this is a lot harder for me than you’d think. However, I’m finding that, much like learning to play the didgeridoo, when it comes to being mean, practice makes perfect. And I, for one, am no quitter. So I keep a list of thinly veiled insults handy and practice making “incredulous snob eyes” in the mirror in the ladies’ room. I expect to be a full-on bitch by the end of the week. Wish me luck!
· It would appear that I have little-to-nothing to do here at work for the next four days. Expect multiple daily posts and, if you’re lucky, a vlog. Aah, who are we kidding? Technology and me go together like an Oklahoma fisherman and Twilight (oops, sorry Travis. Did I just blow up your Twilight spot? You can email a complaint to me at Icouldn’tpossiblycareanyless@yourmom.com). There will be no vlogging of any sort.
PSYCH!!!
· Do the kids still say “psych?” I dunno, I’m so out of touch. The other day, I was in the mall, and some teenager walked by with his hair all combed forward and to the side and eyeliner and skinny jeans and I was like, “Christ, kid, can you get that hair out of your face already?” And my friend was like, “I think they call that ‘emo.’” And I was all, “Why would they call it that? He doesn’t look anything LIKE an emu!” and she was all, “Not emu, EMO. Jesus, can you get your hearing checked all ready?” And I was like, “No, I’m pretty sure they call that the GAY.” And she was like, “Not these days.” And I was like, “I know. Everything is so PC anymore. Fine, HOMOSEXUAL, okay?” And she was like, “No, I mean, that style isn’t just for gay guys anymore.” And I was all, “You mean HOMOSEXUAL guys.” And she was like, “I hate you so much.”
· We have to go to Brian’s new boss’s swearing in ceremony tonight. Which means I get to see Brian in his “dressy” uniform (or whatever they call it, which I’m 99% sure doesn’t involve the word “dressy”). Needless to say, I’m a happy girl. Giggidy. I’ll try to get a pic, even if it means busting in on him in the mens’ room. Let it be said that I am dedicated to the cause.
· If I could stop trying to eat everything in sight, that would be great. Christmas cookies do not a healthy breakfast make. Diabetes just called to tell me that I’m easy. I don’t know whether to be offended or impressed.
· I just realized that I only have to wear business slacks for two more days (Not including today. And Friday not being counted, in that we are allowed to wear jeans). Holy Hand Grenade! That freaking rocks!
Sexy Danceparty.
My place.
Friday afternoon.
Be there. (No pants allowed).
Aaah, who doesn’t love a sexy danceparty? That’s it for now. Stay tuned for more ramblings….
8 comments:
I think it's "dress uniform."
But "dressy" is pretty close.
I hope you enjoy the swearing in ceremony and the sexy dance party.
I think they should combine the two.
As long as no fucking vloggers or emus are invited.
Listen.
I keep getting an error when I try to send emails to your complaint department.
Apron-I'm a "fucking vlogger." And I'm hilarious. And you'd know that if you'd follow me. That's real.
Anynonfollow, Lily, please, if you can help it, don't get his penis in the mens room photo shot. Thank you.
I am always up for pantsless friday! Not "up" as in...uhhhh...nevermind...
I have heard that uniform defined as "Class A."
Is that hairstyle a reference to Emo Philips, comic from the 80s? See, I'm as clueless as you are.
Since you are pissed at me because of my right-winged idealogy and handsomeness, I will leave a comment that you won't read but everybody else will cause they want my junk.
Your complaint department responded with the following:
"THE E-MAIL ADDRESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR NO LONGER EXISTS.
PLEASE TRY Imaeazyslut@yourmom.nut"
So I did.
And it totally worked.
And your mom says "Hi!"
P.S. Love the Mall bit.
that was the funniest thing i've read in a looooong time.
by the by, "slacks"? when yr not wearing slacks are you wearing dungerees?
Fuck yeah, a no pants party? Who cares if you let vloggers and RIGHTWING CONSERVATIVE NUTJOBS come. There will be no pants! Woot!
Are we licking people in public?
lmao sweet, no pants party, yay!
But it maybe a little too cold, like shrinkage cold....
A loin cloth would come in handy too.
Post a Comment