Assorted Thanks, Tags, and Awards

By nature, I’m not a people-pleaser. That’s not to say that I’m some social pariah who slinks about the fringes of society, unable to communicate clearly or develop meaningful relationships, but when it comes to how other people view me, I have a healthy dose of “who the fuck cares.” I quickly learned that you absolutely cannot please everybody after a myriad of twisted pre-teen female friendships that were chock full of more drama than a “Gay Friends of the Arts” performance of Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

[Sidenote: If you ever want to see the devil, look into the eyes of a 14-year-old girl who just pitted her friends against each other for her own personal amusement. It'll turn your pubes white]

But when it comes to my blog, I guess I’m a bit more sensitive. In the real world, I typically react to losing an acquaintance by saying “meh” and pantomiming the jerk off movement (Klassy). On my blog, losing a follower is met with an extensive eulogy and a painful progression through the 5 stages of grief (wherein I eat a tub full of cookie dough while sobbing hysterically, pulling out chunks of hair, and screaming STUPID! STUPID! into the mirror).

See the difference?

I don’t know why I’ve become so obsessed with my readers. When I started this blog, it was primarily used as a way to kill time during work and get the ole’ creative juices flowing (mmmm juices). But the minute that people started commenting on my posts, I became obsessed. I changed the background. I added a hit counter. I blogged to entertain, and watched my followers increase like a fat kid watches someone icing a cake.

Oh yes. There was drool.

Granted, I only have 21..wait...20...no wait...21 followers (thanks, Carrie, for joining the list just as I was about the kick the stool out from under my feet. You’re a real friend. I’ll send you a muffin basket). In the big oled blog-o-sphere, I’m a speck of dust.

But for those 21(+) of you who tune in to read and comment on my blog, there is nothing I wouldn’t do. NUH-THING

So I guess this blog is turning into a huge, ginormous THANK YOU to those of you who read my blog. For better or for worse, watching my hits counter go up seriously gets me all hot.

No kidding, I kind of want to do sexy times with my hits counter.

I’ll give you guys a moment to think about that.

(I’m guessing that about half of you just got turned on, and the other half of you just threw up)

...50% ain’t bad.

And on that note…
I’d like to officially thank Nelle from Lady Tells All for giving me my first-ever blog award:

(Nelle, you’ll be getting a muffin basket as well because I love you THIS……..MUCH)

So, the rules for this award are to tell your readers 10 things about you that are true, that they might not know. Then you have to tag 10 other bloggers to do the same .

Here goes:

1. When I was a kid, I was deathly afraid of clowns. They still make me nervous.
2. My front right tooth is a little discolored due to a biking accident/root canal when I was 10. I could have it fixed, but then I wouldn’t really be me, yanno?
3. I’ve always harbored this weird desire to be a stand-up comedian. I know I know – it would never work.
4. If I knew that I’d never have to work in a corporate environment again, I’d probably have a sleeve of tattoos. And dreads.
5. Music evokes very little emotion from me. I could kind of take it or leave it. I blame my father, who forced classical music on me from a very young age. These days, I usually prefer silence.
6. I’m ready to be a mom.
7. I might very well be the best white-girl dancer you’ve ever met. But I’m talking like NC-17 club/stripper dancing. Not wedding and bat-mitzvah dancing. Who can drop it like it’s hot? I can.
8. Someday, I’m going to climb a mountain.
9. I’m not that afraid to die (then again, ask me when you’re holding a gun to my head and I may feel differently)
10. I once went on a 3 day, 30 mile backpacking trek by myself. Probably not the safest thing I’ve ever done, but it helped to define who I am today.

And now I’m tagging:

The Daisy Chronicles
Dharma Drama
Pretty How Town
My Blog Doesn't Suck
50 kinds of awesome
Why? How? And Other Abstract Questions
Cooler Ranch Or Nacho Cheese?
PorkStar
My Masonic Apron
Thicker Than Water

ALSO (because this post hasn’t been nearly long enough), I got an awesome tag from PorkStar.

Pork: I’d tell you I’m sending you a muffin basket too, but you’d take it to a whole other level of indecency. Because that’s how your sick mind works. Which is why I love you.

And because Pork called me a “Hot chic,” on his blog he gets this complementary haiku:

PorkStar is the best
His blogs are hysterical
His penis is large

(well, that’s what he says, at any rate)

Moving on…

The rule of THIS tag is to open your pic folder and post the tenth pic. And here it is:

I actually had a few folders to pick from. The 10th pics in the other folders were boring, but this one was perfect.

It’s me, trying on Brian’s fire gear.
It’s ridiculous.
I love this pic.

On deck for this tag:

Brick City Love
White-Collar Redneck
Live It, Love It
Just Playing Pretend
Island Of Reality

Okay, now that I’ve written a novel, I’m going to call it a day. THANKS AGAIN for the tags and awards.

Your bloggy love has me feeling all warm and tingly. And it’s making my left arm hurt. And it’s making it kind of hard to breathe.

Somebody call 911.