A Little Perspective, Please

Warning: rant ahead. It's a doozy, so you might want to get some coffee first.

I’d like to start this post off by saying that I know I complain a lot. I am well aware of the fact that I bitch and moan about a large variety of subjects including (but not limited to) my job, my weight, Milo The Destroyer Of Worlds, the weather, TV, stupid fucking NJ drivers, and people in general. I, like everybody else, encounter complaint-worthy people and situations on a daily basis, and if I couldn’t get it off my chest, you could be damn sure that eventually you’d find me on the top of a tower picking people off with a rifle.

But I also like to think that I don’t complain about the little things. Or at least, not that much. Sure, I’m irritated about my commute every single GD morning – but I really only complain about it when something particularly offensive occurs. Along those lines, I also try to be grateful for the things that I do have. I may complain about my job, but in most posts, I also try to throw in a sentence about how I would far worse off if I didn’t have the job.

That said, holy shit, if my one friend doesn’t stop complaining about stupid fucking bullshit I am seriously going to drive to her house and punch her in her whiny, self-absorbed pie-hole.

And by “friend,” what I really mean is “Facebook friend,” because if we were actually friends, I’d probably go all Silence Of The Lambs on her ass and keep her in a hole in my cellar. At least then she’d have something that was worth complaining about.

[friend’s name here] OMG im still in this hole and she keeps telling me to put lotion on!!!!!WTF!!!!!

[friend’s name here] UGGhhH im so tired of being down here it smells nasty and she wont give me anything to eat FML!!!1!!!

[friend’s name here] i got sprayed with the hose again man this suckz!!!!

Before I get too wrapped up in my fantasy, I’ll explain further.
Here’s her deal: She’s a stay-at-home mom. As in, she doesn’t have a job. Her children are also aged 10 and 17, so there’s not toddler-chasing action going on. Both kids are in school all day, and the one just got his driver’s license, so he can ferry himself around just fine. All in all, it seems like she has the perfect life: no job, no young kids to entertain, and a heck of a lot of free time on her hands.

So what does she do with her free time? She goes on Facebook for hours on end taking stupid quizzes and leaving multiple status updates.

Here is a selection of her most recent statuses (keep a bucket ready in case you feel the urge to vom):

I can't wait till school is over 4 more days!!!!!!!! Then the fun starts, the kids fighting!!!!

House work almost done, just downstairs now. I have done 4 loads of laundry all ready hanging outside. Just a little bit longer and I can relax, Yea right till its time to make diner.

Housework as usual, it never ends!!!!

Relaxing now thinking of taking a quick nap before [child’s name] gets home from school!!!

Is almost done this laundry, only wish the sun was out, then I wouldn't have to use the dryer!!!

Getting [child’s name] on the bus, then WAWA for a coffee, I need my coffee and then off to get my manicure!!! Then I guess back home for laundry day UGH!!

Does anybody else see why I want to kill this woman with a blunt object?

Somebody, please do us all a favor and explain to her that most people are unfortunate enough to have to get these chores done while working a 9-5 job.

Also, somebody please do us all a favor and explain to this woman that manicures pretty much fall under the category of “expensive pampering” and are therefore typically not the subject of complaint.

Somebody also needs to teach this woman the appropriate use of exclamation marks, which should saved to express high levels of emotion and typically don’t follow descriptions of laundry day.

Then, that same person who discussed the above points with her needs to get a blow-torch and put her out of her misery, because obviously her life is way too difficult to bear, and in all actuality, we’d probably be doing her a favor.

Bonus: We’d also be doing the rest of society a favor.

Based on her Facebook updates, the only things this woman has to worry about are manicures, laundry, sunning herself by the pool, and supervising her half-grown children. When all is said and done, she has a life that most of us would consider to be an extended vacation. So to complain about a lifestyle that most working adults would consider luxurious goes way beyond rude.
To me, it’s a slap in the face. And you’d have to be completely self-absorbed to not realize how offensive these types of posts might be to those of us who have to …oh, I dunno…WORK for a living.

It’s like having your friend win the lottery and then having to listen to them complain incessantly because he or she can’t figure out how to spend the money.

*this is the sound of me smacking that woman across the face. Suh-LAP

I have the same problem with my father. For those of you who don't know my family history, my parents divorced after almost 30 years of marriage because my dad decided that he was gay.

I know - you can't make this shit up.

He and I have been on tenuous ground since then, not because he's gay, but because he's a royal prick who thinks the sun shines out of his ass. Let's just say that Father Of The Year he ain't. Not by a long shot.

One of the things about him that irritates me the most is a compulsive self-centeredness that leaves him completely oblivious to the struggles of others. My dad retired at the age of 55 and has been supported by a fat pension (more than I make per month) ever since. He earned the pension so I have no problem with this, other than the fact that this man gets paid to sit on his ass, yet continues to act like he works harder than any of us.

He recently sent me an email going into great detail about the various concert performances he had going on this spring (he conducts choirs as a hobby, mind you). He finished his email with the sentence (and I quote)

"I'm heading to Rehobeth Beach for 3 days ... by myself to just rest and do nothing. I need some real down time to recover from the pressure of these last weeks."

***

I spent the rest of the afternoon suppressing my desire to call him up and call him out on his bullshit.

I will be the first to admit that my life is frigging peaches and cream compared to a lot of people out there. I have my health and a cushy job and no debt and a wonderful man who loves me. So if I can manage to keep things in perspective, than why can't other people? Look at it this way: no matter how hard you think you have things, it could always be worse. I know concerts and manicures seem like hell on earth, but honestly, at least you don't have earn a living. Like, at all.

/rant