Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Brraaiinnsss

So, the good news is that I’ve finished my 3 weeks of high-dose antibiotic therapy for my Lyme Disease.

The bad news is that my Lyme symptoms have made a triumphant return.

After 3 weeks of doxycycline, I shouldn’t have a living organism left in my body (or in a 3-foot radius). I should be the most sterile mother-f*cker in the world right now, bitches!

And yet…36 hours after discontinuing my antibiotics, I was already getting the Lyme Ick again. I tried to write it off on a bad nights’ sleep. Then I tried to write it off on the massive hangover I received after our Saturday night Pirate Adventure. But as I was trying (and failing) to jump a 3.5-foot course on a 2,000-pound horse last night, I had to recognize that I was, in fact, just not feeling well.

Again.

As in, Lyme treatment FAIL.

Seriously? Are you freaking kidding me?!?

So, I did some research.

As it turns out, some people believe that Lyme can easily become a chronic, debilitating disease capable of neurologic and cardiac destruction of massive proportions. There are research articles to back this up.

Other people believe that Lyme is an easily treated bacterial infection, and that “Chronic Lyme” is a phantom disease made up by hypochondriacs. There are also research articles to back this up.

In other words, nobody really knows A) if Chronic Lyme really exists, and B) if it is a legitimate illness, how the hell to treat it.

Personally, I think this situation is re-goddamn-diculous. How, in the year of our lord 2009, can it be that we’re still debating the presence of an illness?
Where are the tests, people?!? What the heck have the scientists been doing all this time?!?

As my mother pointed out, since there is no treatment that is approved specifically for Lyme, other than generic antibiotics, there are therefore no big pharmaceutical companies to fund research.

Whatever (stop trying to be a know-it-all, mom, and get back to doing what you do best: buying me presents).

All I know is I feel like shit, which makes me either an innocent victim of an insidious bacterial infection or a raving lunatic, depending on who you talk to.

Look. If I’m a psycho hypochondriac and this is all in my head, I’m okay with it. I’m also equally okay with having a chronic bacterial infection that likely to have significant impact on my quality of life henceforward. I’d just like to know for sure what my deal is so I can come to terms with my illness, be it mental or physical, and get on with my life.

Is that really so much to ask?

In the meantime, I think I have a theory as to why this issue is so hotly debated. I mean, they have a Lyme test, but do they have a Zombie Lyme test?

Having taken such massive doses of antibiotics, I have no doubt that the Lyme bacteria in my system were killed (along with half of my organs).

Since I am now experiencing symptoms again, isn’t it possible, just possible, that these bacteria have come rejuvenated into some sort of un-dead zombie-like form?

And if this is the case, that I am in fact infested with Zombie Lyme bacteria, should I be concerned about some sort of migration of these Zombie bacteria up through my cerebrospinal fluid and into my brain?

Because if zombies eat brains, then wouldn’t Zombie Bacteria eat brains too?

Discuss...

And in the meantime...
Scientists: I’m going to need you to look in to developing some sort of Zombie Lyme enzyme immunoassay of immunoglobulin G testing method. And then I'm gonna need you to find a way to re-kill these fuckers. Because if I’m right, then as we’re speaking, millions of Zombie Bacteria are staggering to my brain in true un-dead fashion to feast on my frontal lobe.

And this concerns me.

8 comments:

Moooooog35 said...

On the bright side, though, I saved a lot on my car insurance by switching to Geico.

So..you know...there's always that.

Kim said...

Sorry your treatment didn't work all of the way. Doctors don't know crap, that's the sheer fact of it. I once thought they did, but after going through many problems I've decided they just don't know anything

headbitingprincess said...

My sweet darling beautiful Lily ...

It breaks my heart to hear this update .. fockin beeeoch face Lyme bug whore !! I will kick that ticks mofo ASZ for coming near you ! < takes Ninja stance >

I just want you to know I have been in your shoes .. and there is NOTHING worse than NOT knowing what it is that is trying to steal your life or quality of life .. my battle will be life long, I pray that you can resolve yours with a quickness (lmao I love throwing in random southern twangs wherever i can)

do not let them mind fock you into thinking it is nothing !!! and it is all in your head!!! -> listen to your body <-
only YOU know your body best & can tell if something isn't right .. I also did the 'pass the buck' deal .. oh must be lack of sleep .. or oh maybe bcz i didn't eat right that one day or oh maybe just an off day .. until I got to the point i could no longer walk and finally made way to the Docs ..
I used to think "what if i had gone to the Dr's soon as I saw the first sign something was wrong .. could I have prevented the hell i went thru to survive ? "
I beg of you please do not follow in my footsteps .. (I am past the what if's & just thank the blessed baby jeebus above to be here)

OK ... three novels later:
I am always here for you if there is any way I can be of help please let me know .. I am just an email away

phairhead said...

you could always start drinking heavily

Elle said...

Ugh, I'm sorry you're having to go through this!!!

Jeanette said...

Oh dear, feel better soon! That's terrible!

John said...

You're prolly just suffering the side-effects of massive doses of antibiotics. Take two yogurts and call me in the morning.

If it is Zombie Lyme, don't worry, you won't be in pain for long ;)

Why am I hearing MJ's Thriller in my head?

Erin said...

I'm sorry you are not feeling well!! I agree with the yogurt though or take a probiotic otherwise you're going to have lady probs to boot. Trust me, I learned the hard way.