More Alzheimer’s and Other Medical Maladies

My early-onset Alzheimer’s saga continues:
This morning I got up, got dressed, got my hair did, put my face on (as my grammy used to say), and headed into the kitchen to pack a lunch. I’ve had the same exact routine pretty much since I was a newly-graduated 22 year old (with the exception of a brief stint on disability which was, in a word, bombastic).

So, if I’ve been in the same routine, day in and day out, 5 days a week, for roughly 5 years straight, then…
How in the mother effing hell did I manage to forget to brush my teeth this morning?!?!?!

Thankfully, as I was heading out the door, I suddenly realized that I was not-so-fresh in the mouth area and quickly back-tracked to the bathroom to scrub mah teefs. My coworkers were, once again, safe and sound from my morning breath.
But seriously, guys, WTF.
I always joke that some day I’m going to leave the house without wearing pants, but lately it’s becoming less of “ha-ha-funny” joke and more of a “I’m joking to hide the pain” kind of joke. I have GOT to get out of this brain fog, or something seriously dangerous/embarrassing/career-ruining is going to happen. I can see it now…
One day I’m wearing mismatching socks (oh, wait, I’ve done that already). The next day I forgot to put on a bra. Pretty soon, I’ll be putting on my makeup with Crayola crayons and bringing in dog treats in for lunch.
The crazy’s ah-coming. I can feel it.

And in the meantime, I have poison ivy/sumac/[insert poisonous plant of choice here] to contend with. Brian generously passed it along after rolling around with the dog and then rolling around with me (giggidy). My official diagnosis is “Poison Whatnot,” since I can’t be bothered to go to the doctor because, really, what are they going to tell me that I don’t already know? Well, maybe except for this one thing on my lower back/upper butt:

[Haha, no kidding, I seriously just went to the ladies’ room here at the office to try to take a picture of it on my phone, but my crack is in the pic, and we can’t be posting crack pictures up in a public forum, now can we?!? Seriously, this is what I do here at work on my lunchbreak. I’m a sorry excuse for a responsible adult. But we all knew that…]

Without getting into too much disgusting detail, I have this—thing—on my backal/buttal area that started out looking like a mosquito bite, then kind of looked like a U-shaped scratch or tiny animal bite, and now its morphed into a raised oval spot of significant size and ichiness. Oh, the ichiness!!!
I’d love to show it to my boss, who is an MD and used to work in the emergency room, but I think HR would probably have a problem with me showing my crack to a coworker, especially one to whom I directly report.
(puhleeze, like she hasn’t seen crack before after working in an ER for years and years…)

Sooo, other than Alzheimer’s disease, Poison Whatnot, and possibly the Black Death, I seem to be puttering along well enough. My wrist is about 80% healed, which is great because I’m taking a horseback riding lesson tonight and I’m really hoping my wrist doesn’t detach from my arm while I’m yanking some goofy warmblood back from a dead gallop. So, providing that my hand doesn’t fall off mid-gallop, tonight should be a pretty good night.

Well, I am out of material, so that's it for today. Stay tuned for more asshattery…