Talkin' Like You Know

Do you ever present information in one way, meanwhile, you're saying it a completely different way in your head? I do it all the time.
As a medical writer, it's my job to take information and reformat it for the appropriate audience, whether it's neurosurgeons or the general public. That's all fine and good, but some days, I like to take it a step farther. Ghetto it up, if you will.


That's because I'm a gangsta. I know, it's surprising. I may be wearing Anne Klein heels and a black Express black pencil skirt , but inside, I'm loitering on street corners and popping caps in people's asses and delivering Buck-Fiftys like nobody's business.

Seriously, I'll take you down. I'll take you down to China Town (we gangstas like to refer to Ben Stiller movies. Surprised? I was too).

So what this all means is that I may be spouting off about p-values and mortality rates, but inside, I just want to shank you for moving in on my turf. Nothing personal.

Here's an example of what's going on in my head at any given moment (You may want to secure any loose articles of clothing - it's going to be a rough ride):

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What I'm Writing: Cytomegalovirus infection causes a series of direct and indirect effects that lead to increased incidence of graft rejection, opportunistic infections, and decreased patients and allograft survival

English: Cytomegalovirus infection can cause organ rejection, can open the door to other types of infections, and may even kill you

My Inner Street Thug: Yo, cytomegalovirus is mad wack! Dat virus be buggin in yo’ organs and shit. Dey may have to pull dat shit right back out ‘yo body before it messes you up for realz. Word.


What I'm Writing: Bendamustine is a novel cytotoxic agent that has single-agent activity in CLL and has shown activity in relapsed indolent B-cell and mantle-cell NHL when combined with rituximab.

English: Bendamustine is a new anti-cancer drug that has been proven to works well by itself in people with leukemia. It may work in some lymphoma patients who aren’t getting better with other drugs, but only when used with rituximab, another cancer drug.

My Inner Street Thug: Bendamusine be poppin’ caps in cancer cell asses on the solo tip in people who are dyin’ from crazy wack blood cancers ‘n shit. But sometimes bendamustine is a lazy MuthaFugga that needs to roll with rituximab in order to get bin’ess DONE, fool. Ya’ know what I’m sayin’? You GOT tah take care of bin’ess, straight up.


What I'm Writing: The rise in the incidence of C. difficile infection among hospital inpatients has been matched by parallel increases in CDI-associated cost, severity, and mortality.

English: More and more hospitalized people are getting infected with C. difficile. This infection is also costing hospitals more money and causing more people to die.

My Inner Street Thug: Yo. Laid-up dawgs with mudd-butt be in da hospitals mo’ and mo’ these days. Dis shit is straight up costing CRAZY bank, and fools are getting kilt every god-dam DAY by this crazy-ass bug. It’s off da hook!


What I'm Writing: The large amount of bradykinin released during acute attacks of angioedema is believed to be responsible for most symptoms, causing increased vascular permeability, vasodilation, and contraction of nonvascular smooth muscle.

English: Bradykinin is a substance in your body that can cause swelling and pain.

My Inner Street Thug: Yo, I don’t know what bradykinin is, but I DO know that it’ll fuk. yo’. shit. UP, son. You don’t want NON of dat bich in ya.

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Personally, I blame my mother and her wack-job genes. She thinks she's street, although, if you've ever seen my mother, a 50-some-odd woman with short curly hair and a wardrobe purchased from Talbots, you might think otherwise.

But for better or worse, the women in our family are pathological in our belief that we can be down. And if you disagree, you'd better keep it to yourself, becasue we've also been know to cut a MF-er good when they disagreed with our thugness. So you've been warned. When my mom or I roll up flashing signs, it's probably best to just flash the sign back and walk away like you have somewhere important to be.
Trust me, it's easiest that way.