Milo decided to celebrate Earth Day early by taking a crap in my slipper last night. What does this have to do with celebrating Earth Day? I guess you could say he was trying to save the earth from his poop, so he deposited it neatly in my slipper instead of on the ground where it belongs.
Honestly, I have no idea whether I should be mad at him for ruining a pair of slippers, or just plain impressed that he managed to get an apparently watery bowel movement into the heel of a slipper without making a mess. It was actually a pretty amazing feat. Still, Bad Dog! And of course, now I'm trying to figure out if this act of footwear destruction is supposed to be some sort of message, or if Milo just happend to take a crap that just happened to land in my slipper. When I asked him, he just wiggled and rubbed up against me. Then he hocked up a piece of stick that he had been chewing on.
Puppies.
I had planned on celebrating Earth Day by maybe going for a run, maybe doing some laundry, and maybe buying a new pair of slippers. In other words, by doing what I always do (except for the slipper part, which only became necessary last night). But, alas, my grandparents decided to celebrate Earth Day OLD SCHOOL style by going nuts/fighting with their assisted living home/trying to move out. So I have to meet my Mom after work to get a game plan together for how we're going to approach this hot octogenarian mess. And maybe have some drinks, because we're gonna need them.
Grandparents.
[Note to Mom: I love you, but if you pull this crap with me when you're old and crazy, we're going to go for a long car ride, at which point you will be deposited on the side of the road and I will drive off laughing]
[Note to Self: Leave note for future child specifying that when I am old and officially off my rocker, the child has permission to deposit me on the side of the road and drive away. Laughing is optional.]
Not the best way to spend Earth Day, that's for sure, but I gotta be honest, with all the rain we've been having lately, I'm not feeling particularly Earth-Friendly anyway. In fact, I'm feeling downright soggy and noticibely lacking in Vitamin D.
[Note to Earth: Either you need to stop raining or tell me where I can purchase discount lumber and a giant net for the construction of an ark and the collection of wild animals, respectively.]
And let me tell you about this rash on my back....
Okay, I'm not gonna do that. I've complained enough for one day. All I'm going to say about that is I have an M.D. boss who is stumped and an emergency appointment with a dermatologist tomorrow. YUM!!!!
I used to celebrate Earth Day by going to Earth Day fairs and turning off the lights and trying out this new-fangled thing called recycling (I don't know, the "c" might be soft) This year, I'm celebrating Earth Day by stepping in crap, wrangling the elderly, and breaking out into hives or something. FANTASTIC. Nothing says "I love our Earth" like throwing out perfectly good slippers and strong-arming old people. At this rate, I should probably just release some CFCs, kill a kitten, and call it a day.
HOORAY FOR EARTH DAY!!!
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